ENM Living Arrangements: Options and Considerations (2026)

In monogamy, the path is clear: date, move in together, maybe buy a house. In ethical non-monogamy, living arrangements are more complex. Who do you live with? How do you host other partners? What structures actually work?

Here are the options and what to consider for each.

---

Living Arrangement Options

Option 1: Living with One Nesting Partner

What it looks like: You live with one partner (your "nesting partner") and have other relationships that don't involve cohabitation.

How it works:

• Your home is shared with one person
• Other partners visit or you visit them
• The nesting partner often has more practical integration (shared finances, domestic duties)

Advantages:

• Clear home base and stability
• Familiar domestic partnership model
• Easier to explain to outside world
• Financial benefits of shared housing

Challenges:

• Can create implicit hierarchy
• Other partners may feel secondary
• Hosting space for other relationships
• Nesting partner's comfort with visitors

Option 2: Solo Living (Solo Poly)

What it looks like: You maintain your own living space, not cohabiting with any partner.

How it works:

• Your home is yours alone
• Partners visit but don't live with you
• Each relationship has similar access (none are co-housed)
• You control your space and schedule

Advantages:

• No built-in hierarchy from living situation
• Full autonomy over your space
• Privacy and independence
• Flexibility in how each relationship develops

Challenges:

• Financial cost of solo living
• Lack of domestic partnership benefits
• Can feel isolating
• Logistical complexity for overnights

Option 3: Living with Multiple Partners

What it looks like: You share a home with more than one romantic partner.

Configurations:

• All partners live together (V, triad, quad, etc.)
• Partners live in same building, different units
• Intentional community with romantic and non-romantic members

How it works:

• Multiple people share domestic space
• Requires agreements about shared spaces, privacy, visitors
• Financial arrangements can be complex
• Household management involves multiple adults

Advantages:

• Integration of multiple relationships
• Shared resources and costs
• Built-in community
• Less time lost to travel between partners

Challenges:

• Complex group dynamics
• Privacy concerns
• Disagreements affect everyone
• Finding suitable housing
• If relationships change, housing is affected

Option 4: Neighboring

What it looks like: Partners live separately but nearby—same building, same block, same neighborhood.

How it works:

• Each person/couple has their own space
• Easy access to each other
• Maintains autonomy while reducing distance

Advantages:

• Proximity without cohabitation
• Each relationship has dedicated space
• Flexibility and privacy
• Can scale up or down easily

Challenges:

• Requires luck or resources to achieve
• May feel like a compromise
• Neighborhood dynamics if things change

---

Considerations for Each Arrangement

Financial Considerations

Questions to address:

• Who pays for what?
• How are shared expenses divided?
• What about assets and equity?
• How does income difference affect contributions?
• What happens if someone moves out?

For solo living:

• Can you afford it?
• Is it worth the cost for the autonomy?

For cohabitation:

• Fair division of costs
• Legal protections (whose name is on the lease/deed?)
• Financial impact of relationship changes

Space and Privacy

Questions to address:

• Where can partners spend time with you?
• How do you handle visits from other partners?
• What's off-limits in your space?
• How much privacy does each person need?

Practical solutions:

• Guest bedrooms or spaces
• Clear agreements about when space is available
• Soundproofing or privacy considerations
• Schedules that provide alone time

Hosting Other Partners

When living with a nesting partner:

• Is hosting allowed?
• What spaces are available?
• How much notice is needed?
• What makes your nesting partner comfortable?

Sample agreement:

"Other partners can visit and stay overnight. Guest room is available. 24-hour notice preferred. No hosting when nesting partner is having a hard time without conversation first."

When Relationships Change

Consider in advance:

• What if a nesting relationship ends?
• What if someone wants to move in?
• What if someone wants to move out?
• How do you handle transitions?

Protective measures:

• Lease agreements that allow for change
• Financial plans for various scenarios
• Communication agreements about big decisions

---

Making Decisions About Living Arrangements

What to Consider

Your values:

• How important is autonomy vs. partnership?
• Do you want domestic partnership or independence?
• How do you want hierarchy to play out (if at all)?

Your resources:

• Can you afford to live alone?
• Do you need a partner's income to afford housing?
• What housing is available in your area?

Your relationships:

• What do your partners want?
• What would changing arrangements mean for each relationship?
• Is everyone aligned on living situation goals?

Conversations to Have

With yourself:

• What living situation would I thrive in?
• What are my non-negotiables?
• What am I willing to compromise on?

With partners:

• What are your hopes for living arrangements?
• How would various configurations affect you?
• What concerns do you have?

Taking It Step by Step

You don't have to figure it all out at once:

• Start with what's currently working and not working
• Identify what you'd ideally want
• Explore what's possible given constraints
• Make incremental changes as appropriate

---

Common Scenarios

Scenario 1: Adding a Partner When You Live Together

Situation: You live with Partner A. Partner B is becoming more serious and wants more integration.

Questions:

• What does Partner B want? (More visits? Moving in? Living nearby?)
• How does Partner A feel about changes?
• What space constraints exist?
• How would this affect the relationship balance?

Possible approaches:

• More overnight hosting
• Partner B getting their own place nearby
• Moving to a larger space with room for hosting
• In some cases, communal living

Scenario 2: Transitioning to Solo Poly

Situation: You live with a partner but want more autonomy. Considering solo living.

Questions:

• Why is solo living appealing?
• What would it mean for your nesting partnership?
• Can you afford it?
• Is your partner open to this change?

Possible approaches:

• Discussing the desire and its origins
• Exploring what specifically isn't working
• Gradual transition (staying separately some nights)
• Full transition to separate spaces

Scenario 3: Combining Households

Situation: You want to live with multiple partners or have them live together.

Questions:

• Is everyone enthusiastically on board?
• What are the household logistics?
• How will finances work?
• What happens if it doesn't work out?

Before proceeding:

• Extended time together first (vacations, long visits)
• Clear agreements about household management
• Financial and legal planning
• Exit strategy conversations

---

When Living Situations Create Hierarchy

The Unspoken Impact

Cohabitation creates practical hierarchy even if you don't intend it:

• More time together
• More domestic integration
• More convenience for the relationship
• Different visibility to the world

Addressing It

Acknowledge it:

"Living with Partner A means they get more of my daily life. I want to make sure you know that's about logistics, not importance."

Compensate where possible:

• Dedicated quality time with non-nesting partners
• Integration in other ways (meeting friends, attending events)
• Clear communication about what cohabitation does and doesn't mean

Consider alternatives:

• Could a different arrangement work better?
• Is the current hierarchy acceptable to everyone?
• What would a more equitable setup look like?

---

FAQ

Is solo poly more ethical than nesting? No. Both are valid choices with different tradeoffs. What matters is honest communication and everyone's needs being considered.

Can you have a nesting partner and practice non-hierarchical poly? It's complicated. Cohabitation creates practical hierarchy even without intentional hierarchy. Being honest about this is important.

What if my partners want different living arrangements? Navigate it through communication. Sometimes compromises exist; sometimes there are genuine incompatibilities to work through.

How do I bring up wanting to change our living situation? Honestly and kindly. Frame it around your needs and desires, not criticism of the current situation. Be open to dialogue.

---

Related Guides

• Moving In Together in Polyamory
• Poly Calendar Systems That Actually Work
• How to Divide Time Between Partners Fairly

---

Home Is Where the Heart(s) Are

Your living arrangement shapes how you do polyamory. Poise can help you communicate about home and space—so you can find arrangements that work for everyone.