Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Good relationships don't run on autopilot. They need regular maintenance—check-ins, quality time, communication, and care. In polyamory, with multiple relationships to maintain, a systematic approach helps ensure no one gets neglected.

Here's how to create a maintenance schedule that works.

Why Schedule Maintenance

Prevention Over Crisis

Scheduled maintenance:

Catches problems early
Prevents major issues
Keeps relationships healthy
Reduces emergency conversations

Ensuring No One Is Forgotten

With multiple partners:

Easy to let someone slip
Squeaky wheel gets grease
Quiet partners may suffer
Systematic approach ensures all are tended

Making It Happen

Good intentions aren't enough:

Scheduled things happen
Unscheduled things don't
Structure supports connection
Routine makes maintenance automatic

Components of Relationship Maintenance

Regular Quality Time

Each relationship needs:

Dedicated time together
Meaningful interaction
Romantic connection
Focused presence

Communication Check-Ins

Regularly discuss:

How the relationship is going
What each person needs
Any issues or concerns
Appreciation and gratitude

Physical Connection

Maintain:

Physical affection
Sexual intimacy (as appropriate)
Touch and closeness
Physical presence

Emotional Connection

Keep alive:

Sharing feelings
Vulnerability
Deep conversations
Emotional intimacy

The Weekly Schedule

Daily Minimums

Every day (ideally):

Good morning/good night messages
Some form of contact
Thinking of you moments
Small connection points

Weekly Essentials

Each week:

Quality time with each partner
At least one meaningful conversation
Physical connection if possible
Check-in about how they're doing

Sample Weekly Structure

Example for three partners:

Monday: Date night with Partner A
Tuesday: Check-in call with Partner B
Wednesday: Solo time (important!)
Thursday: Date night with Partner B
Friday: Time with Partner C
Weekend: Flexible time, longer dates

The Monthly Schedule

Monthly Check-Ins

Once a month with each partner:

Formal relationship check-in
How is the relationship going?
What's working?
What needs attention?

Monthly Date Variations

Consider:

One special/different date per month
New activity or experience
Something beyond regular routine
Creating memories

Monthly Review

For yourself:

How are my relationships doing?
Where am I neglecting?
What needs more attention?
Am I sustainable?

The Quarterly/Seasonal Schedule

Quarterly Deep Dives

Every few months:

Longer relationship conversation
Review of agreements
Discussion of goals
Addressing bigger issues

Seasonal Celebrations

Mark seasons:

Anniversaries and milestones
Seasonal activities together
Quarterly relationship "retreats"
Special recognition

The Annual Schedule

Annual Relationship Reviews

Once a year:

Where are we going?
Major relationship discussion
Goals and dreams
State of the union

Anniversary Recognition

Important dates:

How you met anniversaries
Commitment anniversaries
Meaningful milestones
Celebrating your history

Building Your Calendar

Start with Commitments

First, schedule:

Work and non-negotiables
Existing commitments
Self-care time
Solo time (essential)

Then Partner Time

Add:

Regular date nights
Check-in times
Quality time slots
Connection points

Build in Buffer

Include:

Transition time between
Flexibility for unexpected
Rest and recovery
Room to breathe

Tools and Systems

Calendar Apps

Useful features:

Color coding by partner
Recurring events
Reminders
Shared calendars

Notes and Tracking

Consider tracking:

What you've talked about
Important things in their life
Follow-up items
Things to remember

Communication Tools

Helpful:

Scheduled reminder texts
Communication apps
Shared planning tools
Whatever works for you

Customizing for Each Partner

Different Needs

Partners may need:

More or less frequent contact
Different types of quality time
Varying levels of check-ins
Unique maintenance approaches

Discuss and Agree

With each partner:

What do you need to feel maintained?
How often do you need quality time?
What kind of check-ins work for you?
What helps you feel connected?

Document Agreements

Keep track of:

What you've agreed to
Each partner's needs
Your commitments
Regular review

When Maintenance Slips

Catching Lapses

Notice when:

You haven't had quality time in too long
Check-ins have been skipped
A partner seems neglected
Routine has broken down

Recovery

When maintenance slips:

Acknowledge it
Get back on schedule
Extra attention temporarily
Recommit to maintenance

Preventing Future Lapses

Build resilience:

Multiple reminders
Partners can prompt you
Regular calendar review
Accountability systems

Balancing Schedule and Spontaneity

Structure Enables Freedom

Counterintuitively:

Schedule creates space for spontaneous
When basics are covered, you can play
Structure reduces anxiety
Routine allows surprises

Don't Over-Schedule

Avoid:

Every moment accounted for
No flexibility
Feeling like a task list
Losing spontaneity entirely

The Right Balance

Find:

Enough structure to maintain
Enough flexibility to breathe
What works for your life
Sustainable routine

Self-Maintenance in the Schedule

You Need Time Too

Schedule:

Solo time
Self-care activities
Recovery between dates
Your own maintenance

Preventing Burnout

Ensure:

Not over-committed
Rest built in
Time for yourself
Sustainable pace

FAQ

Isn't scheduling relationships unromantic? No—it's practical and shows care. Scheduled attention still counts. Unscheduled good intentions often become neglect.

How detailed should the schedule be? Detailed enough to ensure maintenance happens. Not so detailed it becomes oppressive. Find your balance.

What if my schedule can't accommodate all partners' needs? That's important information. Either adjust commitments, have honest conversations about capacity, or recognize you may be overextended.

How do I handle schedule conflicts between partners? Rotation, flexibility, and communication. No partner should consistently lose. Fair doesn't mean identical.

Related Guides

Structure Serves Love

A maintenance schedule isn't cold efficiency—it's care in action. When your relationships are systematically maintained, everyone thrives. Poise helps you stay on top of your communications across all your connections.