Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Scheduling in ENM means coordinating multiple calendars, respecting everyone's time, and communicating clearly. Here are the actual scripts and templates you need to make it work.

Asking for a Date

Initial Ask (New Connection)

Simple and direct:

"I've really enjoyed getting to know you. Would you like to meet up this week? I'm free [day] evening or [day] afternoon."

More specific:

"I'd love to continue this conversation in person. How about coffee or a drink? I have availability on [day] after 6pm or [day] anytime."

With context:

"I'm looking at my calendar and have some openings coming up. Any interest in grabbing dinner? I'm free [specific options]."

Asking an Established Partner

Checking in:

"Looking at next week—when would be good for you? I want to make sure we get quality time."

Proposing specific time:

"Can I claim [day] evening for us? I was thinking we could [activity idea]."

When schedules are tight:

"I know we've both been busy. Can we carve out at least a few hours this week? What works for you?"

Communicating Availability

Sharing Your Constraints

With a new connection:

"I should mention—I have limited availability on weekends due to other commitments. Weeknights work best for me, especially Tuesday-Thursday."

More detail when appropriate:

"My schedule is that I usually see my nesting partner on weekends and have weeknight availability for other connections. Does that work with your schedule?"

When Availability Is Complicated

Multiple partners:

"My availability varies week to week depending on who's traveling, etc. Let me check my calendar and get back to you with some options."

When you're busy:

"My next few weeks are packed. I can do [specific date] or we might need to look further out. I don't want to rush or squeeze you in—you deserve better than that."

Coordinating With Existing Partner(s)

Checking Before Committing

To your partner:

"Hey, someone asked me to hang out [day]. Do we have anything planned? I wanted to check with you before I commit."

When you have standing plans:

"I know [day] is usually our night. [Person] asked if I'm free. Would you be okay if I moved our time to [alternative] this week?"

Requesting Time for a Date

Clear request:

"I'd like to plan a date with [person] this week. Can we look at the calendar together and find a time that works?"

When you need specific day:

"Would you be okay with me taking [day] for a date? I'll make sure we have [alternative day] for us."

After Coordination

Confirming with the date:

"I checked my calendar and [day] works great. How about [time] at [place]?"

Handling Schedule Conflicts

When You Need to Reschedule

Proactive communication:

"I'm so sorry, but I need to reschedule [day]. Something came up with [general reason without oversharing]. Can we do [alternative date] instead?"

When partner needs take priority:

"I hate to do this, but [partner] needs me [day]. Can we move our date to [alternative]? I really want to see you."

When They Need to Reschedule

Gracious response:

"No worries at all—life happens! Let me know what works better for you."

Suggesting alternatives:

"That's okay. How about [alternative date] instead? Or let me know what your week looks like."

When Schedules Don't Align

Being honest:

"I'm looking at our schedules and I'm having trouble finding overlap. Can we get creative? Maybe a lunch date instead of dinner? Or a quick coffee?"

When it's ongoing:

"Our schedules seem to keep conflicting. Let's look at two or three weeks out and try to lock something in."

Different Types of Dates

Planning a First Date

Suggesting options:

"For a first meeting, how about something casual? Coffee or a drink works for me. Any preference?"

Offering flexibility:

"I'm flexible on what we do—happy to grab coffee, go for a walk, or get dinner. What sounds good to you?"

Planning a Longer Date

Making space:

"I have the whole evening free on [day]. Want to do dinner and then maybe [activity]? I'd love to have more time together."

Planning an Overnight

Clear communication:

"I'd love to have a longer date—maybe one where I don't have to rush home. Would you be open to an overnight sometime? I'd need to coordinate with my partner, but I wanted to see if you were interested first."

After getting approval:

"Good news—[day] is clear for an overnight if you're still interested. What do you think?"

Communicating With New Connections About Your Structure

Explaining Your Availability

Early conversation:

"I want to be upfront about my availability. I'm polyamorous, so my calendar involves coordinating with my [partner/partners]. Weeknight evenings are usually when I'm free to see other people."

When They Ask About Your Schedule

Honest and clear:

"My partner and I usually have weekends together, so my dating availability is mostly weeknight evenings. Does that work with what you're looking for?"

If They're New to ENM

Explanation:

"Since I have other relationships, I calendar-share with my partner so we can coordinate. It might seem formal, but it helps everyone feel secure and respected."

Weekly Check-In Scripts

With Nesting Partner

Regular sync:

"Want to look at next week together? I want to make sure we're on the same page about what's planned."

When things are scheduled:

"Here's what I have on the calendar: [date with person] on [day], us on [days]. Anything you need to add or any concerns?"

With Other Partners

Maintaining connection:

"Looking at my schedule for the next couple weeks. When can I see you? I want to make sure we get time together."

Special Situations

Holidays and Special Occasions

Navigating who gets what:

"I want to talk about [holiday]. I know it's important to both of us. What are your hopes for how we spend it?"

Proposing a plan:

"[Holiday] is coming up. Would you be open to [specific proposal]? I want to make sure everyone feels valued."

When Someone Feels Neglected

Addressing it proactively:

"I realize we haven't had as much time together lately. I want to prioritize us. Can we block out [date] and make it special?"

Planning Ahead for Busy Periods

Proactive scheduling:

"Next month is going to be hectic. Can we look at the calendar now and lock in some dates so we don't lose connection during the chaos?"

Follow-Up Scripts

After Scheduling

Confirming details:

"So we're on for [day] at [time] at [place]. Looking forward to it!"

Day-before reminder:

"Just confirming tomorrow—[time] at [place]? Can't wait to see you."

If You Haven't Heard Back

Gentle nudge:

"Hey! Just checking if [day] still works for you? Let me know if we need to adjust."

If still no response:

"I want to make sure we're still on for [day]. If you need to reschedule, no worries—just let me know."

FAQ

How much detail should I share about why I'm unavailable? You don't owe detailed explanations. "I have plans" is sufficient. If you're comfortable sharing more, that's your choice.

Should I always check with my partner before scheduling? Depends on your agreements. Some couples check everything; others have standing autonomy with certain days. Know your agreements.

What if someone wants more time than I can offer? Be honest: "I have [X] amount of time available for dating outside my existing relationship. If that's not enough for you, I understand."

How do I handle last-minute date requests? Depends on your availability and agreements. "Let me check my calendar and get back to you" is always okay.

Related Guides

Clear Communication, Smooth Scheduling

Good scheduling is about clear communication and respecting everyone's time. Poise can help you find the right words for all your dating conversations.

Scripts for Scheduling Dates in ENM (2026)