Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

The goal of Feeld isn't endless messaging—it's meeting people. But asking someone to meet up can feel awkward, especially when you're not sure if they're interested or ready.

Here's how to do it well.

When to Ask

The Right Time

Signs they're ready:

Consistent, engaged responses
Questions about your life and interests
Mentioned things you could do together
Conversation flowing naturally
Some rapport established (usually 15-30 messages)

Signs it's too early:

Still in surface-level exchange
They don't know much about you
No real connection established
You haven't discussed what you're looking for

The Timing Sweet Spot

Most successful meeting requests happen:

After 3-7 days of messaging
After 20-40 messages exchanged
After some genuine connection exists
Before conversation starts dying

Waiting too long is as bad as asking too soon. Endless messaging creates pen pals, not dates.

The Ask: Different Approaches

The Direct Approach

Simple and clear. Works when rapport is established.

"I'm really enjoying this conversation, but I always think people are better in person. Would you want to meet up sometime?"

"This has been fun—want to grab a drink next week and continue in person?"

"I'd love to meet you. Are you free [day] for coffee?"

The Soft Approach

For when you want to gauge interest first.

"I'm curious—are you at the point where you like to meet up, or do you prefer more chatting first?"

"What's your timeline usually like for moving from app to in-person?"

"Would you be open to meeting at some point, or do you want to get to know each other more here first?"

The Specific Approach

Works when you have a clear idea or shared interest.

"You mentioned loving [cuisine]. There's a great [type] place near me—would you want to check it out together?"

"There's [event/activity] happening this weekend. Interested in going together?"

"I've been wanting to try [activity] and you mentioned you're into it. Want to go sometime?"

The Video Call Bridge

For those who want a middle step.

"I know meeting strangers can be a lot. Would you want to do a video call first? See if we vibe before committing to in-person?"

"I'm open to meeting up, but also happy to do a quick video chat first if that feels more comfortable."

Scripts for Specific Situations

Meeting Someone ENM/Poly

When non-monogamy is part of the equation:

"I've enjoyed learning about your approach to ENM. I'd love to continue this conversation over coffee—what do you think?"

"Seems like we're both looking for similar things. Want to meet up and see if there's chemistry in person?"

Meeting Someone for Kink

When kink interests brought you together:

"I appreciate how thoughtfully you talk about this stuff. Would you want to meet for coffee and continue this conversation? No expectations—just want to see if we connect in person."

"I'm interested in exploring this further, but I always think a public meet first makes sense. Coffee sometime?"

Meeting a Couple

When you're interested in meeting both:

"You both seem great—would you want to meet up? I'm thinking [low-key venue] would be good for a first meet."

"I'd love to meet you both in person. What works for your schedules?"

When You're a Couple Asking

"We've really enjoyed chatting with you. Would you want to grab drinks with us sometime? No pressure, just see if we all click."

"We're both interested in meeting you. Does [day] work for a casual coffee?"

Handling Responses

If They Say Yes

Lock it in:

"Great! How about [specific day] at [specific time]? There's [venue] in [area]—does that work?"

Don't leave it vague. Suggest a specific time and place. If they can't do that time, offer alternatives.

Confirm closer to the date:

"Still on for tomorrow at 7?"

Day-before confirmation reduces flaking.

If They Say "Maybe" or Hesitate

Give them space:

"No pressure—just let me know when you feel ready. Happy to keep chatting in the meantime."

Try to understand:

"Totally understand. Is there anything you'd like to know more about first, or is timing just not right?"

Don't push. Reluctant yeses lead to awkward dates or last-minute cancellations.

If They Say No

Accept gracefully:

"No worries at all. Thanks for being upfront! Happy to keep chatting if you'd like, or we can leave it here."

Don't ask why, don't try to convince them, don't express disappointment. Just accept it.

If They Ghost

If you ask and get no response:

Wait a few days
Send one light follow-up if you want: "Hey, hope life's treating you well! Let me know if you're ever up for that coffee."
If still nothing, move on

First Date Ideas for Feeld Matches

Best Options

Coffee or drinks: Low commitment, easy to extend or end, good for conversation

Walk in a public place: Free, flexible timing, less pressure

Activity you both enjoy: Built-in conversation topic, shows compatibility

Food at a casual place: Slightly more commitment, but relaxed atmosphere

Avoid for First Meets

Anything expensive or fancy (too much pressure)
Long activities (movies, concerts) where you can't talk
Private locations (their place, your place)
Activities that require a lot of coordination

Duration

Plan for 1-2 hours. If it's going well, you can extend. If not, you both have an easy out.

Safety Considerations

Always for First Meets

Meet in public
Tell someone where you're going and who you're meeting
Have your own transportation
Trust your instincts

The Safe Call

Some people set up a "safe call"—a friend who will check in at a certain time.

"Hey, I have a thing at 9 so I'll need to head out by then, but I'm flexible if we're having a good time."

This creates a built-in exit if needed.

Trust Your Gut

If something feels off before the meet, it's okay to cancel or reschedule. Better to disappoint someone than ignore your instincts.

Common Mistakes

Being Too Vague

Bad:

"We should totally hang out sometime!"

Good:

"Want to get coffee Thursday evening? I know a good spot downtown."

Vague suggestions rarely become actual plans.

Waiting Too Long

If you've been chatting for weeks without meeting, you've probably become pen pals. The longer you wait, the more pressure builds around meeting.

Asking Too Soon

Asking to meet in message 3 when you know nothing about each other suggests you just want to meet anyone, not them specifically.

Making It Too Big

First meets should be low-key. Don't suggest dinner at an expensive restaurant or a day-long activity. Start small.

Ignoring Their Signals

If someone is hesitant, gives non-committal answers, or seems uncomfortable—back off. Pushing through reluctance never leads anywhere good.

When They Should Ask You

Signaling Openness

If you want them to ask but they haven't:

"I'm usually free on weekends if you ever want to grab coffee."

"I've really enjoyed chatting—I'm definitely open to meeting up when you are."

"Just so you know, I'm at the point where I like to meet people and see if there's chemistry in person."

Or Just Ask Yourself

There's no rule that says you have to wait. If you want to meet them, ask. Most people appreciate directness.

FAQ

How many messages before I should ask? There's no magic number. When you feel like you'd have things to talk about and they seem engaged, ask. Usually 15-30 messages over a few days.

They said yes but won't commit to a specific time. What do I do? Give them a few options. If they still won't commit, say: "Let me know when you have a better sense of your schedule—I'd still love to meet up when timing works."

Should I offer to pay? For first meets, offering to pay for your own is standard. If you want to treat them, you can offer, but don't insist.

What if I'm nervous about meeting? Normal. Choose a familiar location, keep it short, and remember—they're probably nervous too. You can always do a video call first if that helps.

Related Guides

From Chat to Connection

Asking to meet is just the beginning. Poise helps you craft messages that build genuine connection—so when you do meet up, you've already established something real.

How to Ask Someone to Meet Up on Feeld (2026)