Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Consent isn't just about the bedroom—it starts in your first message. On Feeld, how you communicate shows potential matches whether you'll respect them in person.

Here's how to message in ways that center consent from the start.

What Consent-First Messaging Looks Like

The Principles

Ask, don't assume:

Don't presume someone is interested in something
Check before going sexual
Let them guide their comfort level

Respect the answer:

Accept "no" without pushing
Don't try to negotiate boundaries
Continue respectfully regardless

Be clear about intent:

Say what you're looking for
Don't hide your desires
Let them make informed decisions

Create space for their voice:

Ask questions
Pause for responses
Don't dominate the conversation

Opening Messages

Good Consent-First Openers

Reference their profile:

"I noticed you mentioned being into [interest]. I'd love to hear more about what that looks like for you—if you're up for chatting."

Be clear about your interest:

"Your profile caught my attention, especially [specific thing]. I'm looking for [your intention]. Would you be open to getting to know each other?"

Low pressure:

"Hi! I found your profile interesting and wanted to say hello. No pressure to respond, but I'd enjoy connecting if you're open to it."

What Makes These Work

Clear about intent without being presumptuous
Give them easy out ("if you're open to it")
Reference something specific (shows you read their profile)
Not demanding their attention

What to Avoid

Presumptuous:

"So when are we meeting?"

Demanding:

"Message me back."

Generic with entitlement:

"Hey beautiful, I know you'll love what I have to offer."

Moving to Desires and Interests

When to Bring Up Sexual/Kink Topics

Wait for signals:

They've indicated interest in you
Conversation has established rapport
Context feels right (not out of nowhere)

Or they bring it up first:

Follow their lead
Match their level of openness
Still ask before sharing explicit content

How to Ask About Interests

Opening the conversation:

"I'd love to learn more about what you're looking for on here. What kinds of connections or experiences are you hoping for?"

More specific inquiry (after rapport):

"Your profile mentions [desire]. I'm curious what that looks like for you—no pressure to share if you'd rather not."

Before getting explicit:

"I'd like to talk more specifically about desires. Are you comfortable going there, or would you prefer to keep things lighter for now?"

Asking Before Sending

Before explicit messages:

"I'd love to share more about what I'm into, but I want to check first—are you open to more explicit conversation?"

Before photos:

"Would you be interested in exchanging photos? Only if you're comfortable."

Before detailed fantasies:

"I have some ideas about what we might enjoy together. Would you like to hear them, or would you rather discover that in person?"

Responding to Their Desires

When They Share

Interested:

"That sounds really exciting. Tell me more about what that would look like for you."

Curious but unsure:

"I haven't explored that much, but I'm curious. Can you help me understand what appeals to you about it?"

Not your thing:

"That's not really something I'm into, but I appreciate you sharing. Is that a must-have for you, or is there flexibility?"

What Not to Do

Don't shame or judge what they share
Don't pretend interest you don't have
Don't go silent—acknowledge their vulnerability
Don't immediately say "me too" if it's not true

Setting and Respecting Boundaries

Sharing Your Own Boundaries

Be clear:

"I should mention that [boundary] is something I'm not open to. I wanted to be upfront about that."

Frame positively:

"I'm really interested in [things you want] and prefer to keep things focused there."

When asked about something you don't want:

"I appreciate you asking. That's not something I'm into, but I'd love to explore [alternative] instead."

When They Set Boundaries

The only appropriate response:

"Totally understand. Thank you for letting me know."

Then actually move on:

Don't ask why
Don't try to convince them
Don't sulk or withdraw
Continue the conversation normally

Scripts for Respecting Limits

They decline to share something:

"No problem at all. Happy to keep things where you're comfortable."

They say no to meeting:

"That's fine! Let me know if you change your mind."

They're not into something you mentioned:

"Good to know. What are you more interested in?"

Checking In During Conversation

Consent Is Ongoing

Don't just get one "yes" and assume forever:

Periodic check-ins:

"How's this conversation feeling for you? Comfortable?"

When things escalate:

"Is this level of conversation working for you?"

When you're unsure:

"I want to make sure this is enjoyable for you too. Are you good with where this is going?"

Reading Signals

Signs they're engaged:

Asking questions back
Sharing openly
Enthusiastic responses
Moving conversation forward

Signs to check in:

Short responses suddenly
Long delays
Topic changes
Less warmth

When in doubt, ask:

"You seem quieter—everything okay? Happy to shift gears if this isn't working."

When They Don't Practice Consent

If They Push Boundaries

First time:

"I mentioned I'm not comfortable with that. Please respect that."

If they continue:

"I've said no to that twice now. I'm not going to continue this conversation."

Then unmatch. You don't owe more chances.

If They Don't Ask Before

If they send unsolicited explicit content:

"I didn't ask for this. In the future, please check before sending explicit content."

Or just unmatch without response.

If they assume consent:

"I appreciate your interest, but I prefer to be asked before [thing]. Can we start over with that understanding?"

Consent Language Examples

Asking Permission

"Would you be open to..."
"Are you comfortable with..."
"I'd like to [X], if that's something you're into"
"Can I ask you about..."
"Is it okay if..."

Giving Clear Answers

"Yes, I'd like that"
"Not right now, but maybe later"
"That's not something I'm into"
"I'm not sure—can we talk about it more?"

Respecting Answers

"Thanks for letting me know"
"Totally understand"
"No problem at all"
"I appreciate your honesty"

Building Trust Through Consent

Why This Approach Works

People feel safe opening up
Builds foundation for in-person connection
Shows you'll be respectful partner
Differentiates you from low-effort messages

The Payoff

Consent-first messaging:

Leads to better connections
Attracts people who value communication
Creates safer dating experiences
Results in more genuine matches

Related Guides

Communicate Consent Clearly

Centering consent in every conversation leads to better connections. Poise helps you find the right words—for asking, for answering, and for building trust through every message.

Download Poise and message with intention.

Consent-First Messaging on Feeld: Templates That Work (2026)