Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Couples have a reputation on dating apps—and it's not always good. On Feeld, where couples are common and welcome, how you conduct yourselves determines your success and how others perceive you.

Here's the etiquette that distinguishes respectful couples from problematic ones.

Understanding Your Position

The Power Dynamic

Reality:

Couples have inherent advantage
Two people matching/messaging can feel overwhelming
Singles are often in more vulnerable position
Being aware of this matters

The Reputation Issue

Couples are associated with:

"Unicorn hunting"
Treating thirds as accessories
Not valuing singles' experience
Entitled behavior

Rising Above It

Good couples:

Are aware of these stereotypes
Actively work against them
Show through actions they're different
Earn trust through behavior

Profile Etiquette

Both Participate

Your profile should show:

Both partners are genuinely interested
Both participate in dating process
It's a team effort
Neither is just along for the ride

Clear About What You Want

Be explicit:

Looking for thirds? Say so
Date together only? State that
Open to various configurations? Explain
What does connecting with you look like?

Good Photos

Include:

Both of you together
Individual photos of each
Clear, recognizable images
Show your dynamic authentically

Mutual Interest Signal

Convey:

Both partners enthusiastic
Not "she's interested, I'm just here"
Genuine shared desire
Equal investment

Messaging Etiquette

Who Writes

Options:

Both contribute (indicate who's writing)
One writes with input from both
Clear about who's behind the messages

What to avoid:

One partner completely absent
Pretending to be one person
Bait and switch (one messages, other shows up)

Address Both Ways

Good communication:

They should know they're talking to both
Questions for both partners
Not just one person driving
Show unified front

Don't Overwhelm

Be mindful:

Two people messaging can be a lot
Match their energy, don't double it
Give space for them to respond
Don't gang up in conversation

Valuing the Third Person

They're Not a Fantasy Fulfillment

Treat them as:

A full person with their own desires
Someone with agency
A person you want to get to know
An equal participant

What Do They Get?

Consider:

What's in this for them?
What are you offering?
How will they be valued?
Is this mutually beneficial?

Their Preferences Matter

Ask about:

What they're looking for
What interests them about you
What they want from the experience
How they like to connect

The First Meeting

Both Should Be There

Unless agreed otherwise:

If you date as a couple, meet as a couple
Don't surprise them with only one person
Don't surprise them with the other appearing later
What's expected should be what happens

Avoid Overwhelming

In person:

Don't make them feel outnumbered
Create comfortable dynamic
Give them space in conversation
Make sure they feel at ease

Equal Attention

Distribute focus:

Both partners engage with them
Don't make them feel like they're entertaining
Not a job interview
Natural, comfortable interaction

Intimacy Etiquette

Clear Communication First

Before anything physical:

What does everyone want?
What are boundaries?
What are expectations?
Is everyone enthusiastically consenting?

Check In During

During intimate time:

Everyone still comfortable?
Anyone need to adjust?
Is this working for the third?
Ongoing consent matters

Both Partners Care About Third's Experience

Make sure:

They're enjoying themselves
Their pleasure matters
They don't feel used
It's mutual satisfaction

Avoiding Unicorn Hunter Behavior

What Unicorn Hunting Looks Like

Problematic patterns:

Viewing thirds as accessories to couple fantasy
Not caring about third's experience
Couple comes as package, third is interchangeable
Discarding after fantasy is fulfilled

How to Be Different

Good couples:

See thirds as individuals
Care about their experience
Build actual connection
Treat them as full participant

Checking Yourselves

Ask:

Do we see this person as a person?
Are we just seeking any third, or this person?
What are we offering them?
How would we feel in their position?

Handling Differential Attraction

When One Partner Is More Attracted

This happens:

One partner may feel more chemistry
This can be awkward
How you handle it matters
Honesty and kindness are key

Communication Between Partners

Discuss:

How do you both feel?
Is it okay to proceed?
What does this mean for the connection?
How do you handle it together?

Being Honest with Third

If dynamic is unequal:

Be honest about where you both are
Don't pretend equal interest
Let them decide with full information
Don't mislead to keep them around

Couple Issues on Display

Don't Use Thirds for Couple Problems

Red flags:

Dating to save the relationship
Using thirds to make partner jealous
Processing couple issues during dates
Third feeling like they're in therapy

Present United Front

Before dating:

Work out couple issues privately
Be aligned about what you want
Don't put third in the middle
Don't air dirty laundry

If Issues Arise

Handle privately:

Disagree privately, not on dates
Don't fight in front of third
Process between yourselves
Third shouldn't feel responsible for couple dynamic

After Connection

Follow Up Together

Post-date:

Both partners reach out
Show continued mutual interest
Don't ghost
Communicate about next steps

If It's Not Working

End respectfully:

Both partners communicate
Thank them for their time
Don't just disappear
Basic courtesy applies

Ongoing Connection

If continuing:

Integrate them appropriately
Make them feel valued
Define the relationship
Treat them as full partner in whatever this is

FAQ

Should both of us message first? You can have one write, but be clear it's from both. Some couples indicate who's writing at any moment.

What if they're only attracted to one of us? Discuss as a couple whether that works for you. Be honest with them about your needs. Don't pretend it's fine if it's not.

How do we avoid seeming like unicorn hunters? Show genuine interest in them as a person. Ask about their experience and desires. Demonstrate you value what they bring.

Is it okay to date separately sometimes? If that's your arrangement and everyone knows. Be clear about what your configuration is.

Related Guides

Be the Couple Others Want to Meet

Your behavior as a couple shapes how all couples are perceived. Be the couple that breaks the negative stereotypes. Poise helps you communicate thoughtfully together.