Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

You've matched on Feeld, had some good messages, and now... you're stuck. How do you actually ask them to meet in person without being weird about it?

This guide covers when to ask, how to ask, and what makes the transition from messaging to dating smooth.

When to Ask

The Sweet Spot

Not too early, not too late:

Too early:

After 2-3 messages
Before you've established any rapport
When you know nothing about them

Too late:

After weeks of messaging
When conversation is dying
When you're becoming pen pals

Just right:

After some real conversation (usually 5-15 messages)
When you've found things in common
When there's mutual interest signals
When conversation is flowing well

Signs They're Ready

Responsive and engaged
Asking you questions back
Flirty or interested energy
Mentioning things they like to do
Hinting at meeting ("there's this great place...")

Signs to Wait

Short, low-effort responses
Not asking about you
Long gaps between messages
Seems hesitant or guarded
Just matched (give it a few exchanges)

How to Ask

The Direct Ask

Simple and effective:

"I'm enjoying this conversation. Would you want to grab coffee/drinks sometime this week?"

The Activity-Based Ask

Connect it to something you discussed:

"You mentioned you love that brewery—want to check it out together sometime?"

The Open-Ended Ask

Gives them input:

"I'd love to meet up. Any interest in getting together? Open to whatever—coffee, drinks, a walk."

The Time-Specific Ask

Shows initiative:

"Would you be free Thursday evening for drinks? I know a great spot near [neighborhood]."

What Makes a Good Ask

Be Clear

They should know:

You're asking for a date
When (or timeframe)
What kind of activity

Ambiguous asks create confusion.

Be Confident (Not Pushy)

Confident: "I'd like to take you out. How's this weekend?" Pushy: "We should meet up. Tonight? Tomorrow? When are you free?"

Confident: "No pressure, but I think we'd have fun meeting in person." Pushy: "Why haven't we met yet? We've been talking forever."

Make It Easy to Say Yes

Suggest accessible activities
Offer flexible timing
Be willing to meet near them
Low-stakes first option (coffee > elaborate dinner)

Make It Easy to Say No

Leave room for graceful decline:

"No pressure if you're not ready to meet yet—happy to keep chatting here too."

This actually makes people more likely to say yes.

Handling Their Response

If They Say Yes

Confirm details (day, time, place)
Exchange numbers if you haven't
Send a confirmation text the day of
Show up on time

If They Say "Not Yet"

Respect it:

"No problem! Let me know when you're ready, and we can figure something out."

Then continue conversation without pressure.

If They Say No

Accept gracefully:

"No worries! Best of luck out there."

Don't:

Ask why
Try to change their mind
Get upset
Keep messaging like nothing happened

If They Don't Respond

Wait a day or two. If still nothing:

They're probably not interested
You can send one low-pressure follow-up
Then let it go

First Date Suggestions for Feeld

Good First Dates

Coffee/drinks:

Low pressure
Easy exit if it's not working
Conversation-focused
Public and safe

Activity-based:

Walk in a park
Museum or gallery
Casual event
Market or fair

What to Avoid for First Meeting

Your place or theirs
Expensive restaurants (too much pressure)
Movies (can't talk)
Meeting their friends
Full-day activities

For ENM-Specific Considerations

If you're meeting a couple:

Confirm both will be there (or just one)
Public place is especially important
Coffee/drinks works well

If it's potentially sexual:

First meeting still safest in public
Establish connection before privacy

Sample Ask Scripts

Casual Coffee

"Hey, I'm really enjoying chatting with you. Would you want to grab coffee sometime? I'm free this weekend if that works."

Drinks After Work

"We should meet up! Any interest in drinks this week? I'm usually free after 6 on weekdays."

Activity-Based

"I saw there's a cool pop-up at [place] this weekend. Want to check it out together?"

Direct and Confident

"I think we'd have fun in person. Can I take you out this week? I'll plan something good."

Giving Options

"Would you be up for meeting? I'm flexible—coffee, drinks, whatever works for you. Just say when."

Common Mistakes

Asking Too Indirectly

Bad: "So, do you ever, like, meet up with people from here?" Better: "Want to get coffee this week?"

Over-Planning Before Confirming

Bad: "There's this restaurant downtown that has amazing food and it's open Tuesday through Saturday and I could pick you up at 7 and—" Better: "Want to grab dinner? I know a great place if you're interested."

Not Suggesting Anything Specific

Bad: "We should hang out sometime!" Better: "Want to get drinks Friday?"

Being Passive

Bad: "I mean, if you wanted to meet, I could probably do that, I guess?" Better: "I'd love to meet you. How's this weekend?"

After You've Planned the Date

Pre-Date Messaging

Confirm the day before
Share contact info if you haven't
Keep conversation going but don't overdo it

Day-Of Check-In

"Hey! Still good for tonight? Looking forward to it."

This confirms they're coming and shows you're organized.

If They Cancel

Stuff happens. Respond gracefully:

"No problem! Let me know when you're free to reschedule."

If they don't reschedule, they're probably not interested.

Related Guides

Ask with Confidence

Moving from messages to dates doesn't have to be awkward. Poise helps you find the right words, time your ask well, and confidently transition from chatting to meeting.

Download Poise and ask for that first date with ease.