Feeld vs OkCupid for Ethical Non-Monogamy (2026)

If you're ENM, you've probably heard two apps recommended more than any others: Feeld and OkCupid. Both have features designed for non-monogamous dating, but they take very different approaches.

This comparison breaks down how each app handles ENM so you can decide which one—or both—deserves your time.

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Quick Comparison

| Feature | Feeld | OkCupid | |---------|-------|---------| | Primary audience | ENM/kink/curious | General dating | | ENM support | Built into core design | Added features | | Matching style | Swipe-based | Questions + browsing | | Profile depth | Moderate (Desires/Interests) | Deep (questions) | | User base size | Smaller, niche | Larger, mainstream | | Cost | Free + Majestic ($) | Free + Premium ($) | | Couple profiles | Native support | Linking only | | Best for | ENM-focused dating | ENM within broader pool |

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How Each App Handles ENM

Feeld's Approach

Feeld was designed with ENM in mind from the start:

What Feeld offers:

• Desires system explicitly includes polyamory, open relationships
• Couple profile pairing is a core feature
• The entire user base expects to encounter ENM people
• No need to filter out incompatible matches
• Privacy features (Incognito) for discretion

The Feeld advantage: You're fishing in a pond where everyone knows what ENM means.

OkCupid's Approach

OkCupid added ENM features to an existing mainstream platform:

What OkCupid offers:

• "Non-monogamous" relationship type option
• Questions about ENM for matching
• Profile linking for partners
• Can filter by relationship style
• Large question database for compatibility

The OkCupid advantage: Larger user base and deeper compatibility matching, but you're filtering within a mainstream pool.

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User Base Comparison

Feeld Users

Who you'll find:

• People actively seeking ENM connections
• Kink-curious and kink-experienced folks
• Couples looking together
• Singles interested in couples
• Generally sex-positive community

Demographics:

• Skews urban/metropolitan
• Often 25-45 age range
• Higher concentration in progressive areas
• Smaller overall numbers

OkCupid Users

Who you'll find:

• Mix of monogamous and non-monogamous
• People seeking serious relationships
• Casual daters
• Various relationship orientations

Demographics:

• Broader geographic coverage
• Wider age range
• More suburban/rural users
• Much larger overall numbers

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Matching and Discovery

How Feeld Matches

The process:

1. Swipe through profiles in Discover
2. Like or pass based on photos, bio, Desires
3. Match when both people like each other
4. Message your connections

Pros:

• Simple, familiar interface
• Desires provide quick compatibility signals
• Focused pool means more relevant matches

Cons:

• Less depth before matching
• Photos matter heavily
• Can feel superficial

How OkCupid Matches

The process:

1. Answer questions to build compatibility profile
2. Browse or swipe through profiles
3. See compatibility percentages
4. Like, message, or pass
5. OkCupid shows mutual interest

Pros:

• Compatibility scores based on actual values
• Can see detailed answers to important questions
• More information before deciding

Cons:

• Question answering takes time
• Compatibility % isn't always accurate
• ENM people mixed with mono people

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Profile Features

Feeld Profiles Include:

• Photos (up to 6)
• Bio (about section)
• Desires (relationship/activity tags)
• Interests (hobby/personality tags)
• Basic info (age, location, pronouns)
• Partner linking option

Depth level: Moderate—you get a sense of what someone wants but may need to ask more.

OkCupid Profiles Include:

• Photos (multiple)
• Detailed bio sections
• Answered questions visible
• Compatibility percentages
• Deal-breaker indicators
• Relationship style stated
• Partner linking option

Depth level: High—you can learn a lot before matching, especially from questions.

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For Specific ENM Situations

If You're Solo Poly

Feeld: Good. Clear that you're poly through Desires. User base understands solo poly.

OkCupid: Good. Can specify relationship style, answer relevant questions. Larger pool of potential matches.

Winner: Tie—depends on whether you want depth (OkCupid) or focus (Feeld)

If You're a Poly Couple

Feeld: Excellent. Native couple pairing, designed for this use case.

OkCupid: Decent. Partner linking exists but feels added-on.

Winner: Feeld

If You're New to ENM

Feeld: Good if you want to jump into an ENM-focused space.

OkCupid: May be better for testing waters while still seeing mainstream options.

Winner: Depends on your comfort level

If You're in a Smaller City

Feeld: May have limited users outside major metros.

OkCupid: Better geographic coverage, more likely to have local users.

Winner: OkCupid

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Privacy Comparison

Feeld Privacy

• Incognito mode (Majestic feature)—be invisible until you like someone
• No Facebook posting
• Multiple sign-in options
• Hide from specific people (blocking)

OkCupid Privacy

• Can hide profile from straight people (if relevant)
• Incognito mode (premium)
• Various visibility settings
• Can be searched by username

For discretion: Feeld's privacy features are slightly stronger, especially for ENM-specific concerns.

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Cost Comparison

Feeld Pricing

Free:

• Basic swiping and matching
• Limited daily likes
• Messaging with matches

Majestic (Premium):

• See who liked you
• Advanced filters
• Incognito mode
• More pings
• Typically $15-30/month

See our Feeld pricing breakdown.

OkCupid Pricing

Free:

• Browsing and liking
• Limited messaging
• Basic matching

Premium:

• See who likes you
• Advanced filters
• Read receipts
• Boost visibility
• Typically $20-40/month

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The Verdict: Which Should You Use?

Choose Feeld If:

• ENM is your primary dating focus
• You're a couple dating together
• You want a sex-positive, kink-friendly space
• You're in a major metropolitan area
• You prefer swipe-based simplicity
• Privacy/discretion is important

Choose OkCupid If:

• You want deeper compatibility matching
• You're in a smaller city/town
• You want a larger potential dating pool
• You're open to meeting mono people too
• You value detailed profiles and questions
• You want to answer and see deal-breakers

Use Both If:

• You have capacity to manage multiple apps
• You want to maximize your reach
• You're exploring and not sure what you prefer
• You're in an area where one might have limited users

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Using Both Apps Together

Many ENM people use both:

Feeld for: Specifically ENM connections, couple dating, kink interests

OkCupid for: Broader dating, deeper compatibility matches, casual browsing

Tips for using both:

• Slightly different bios for each audience
• Be consistent about relationship structure
• Don't spread yourself too thin on conversations
• Check both regularly or you'll miss matches

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Whichever You Choose

The app is just the platform. What you write in your profile and how you communicate determines whether you actually connect with compatible people.

Poise helps you craft profiles and messages that work on any app—explaining your ENM situation clearly and starting conversations that go somewhere.

Download Poise and improve your ENM dating on any platform.