Best FetLife Groups to Join (By Interest) (2026)

FetLife groups are where the real community happens. While profiles are personal and events are occasional, groups provide ongoing discussion, connection, and learning. But with thousands of groups to choose from, finding the right ones can be overwhelming.

Here's how to navigate FetLife groups and find communities that actually add value to your experience.

How FetLife Groups Work

The Basics

Groups function like forums organized around topics. Each group has:

• A description and rules
• Discussions started by members
• Moderators who manage content
• Member lists (visible or not, depending on settings)

Privacy Levels

Groups have different privacy settings:

• Open: Anyone can see content and join
• Closed: Content visible only to members, but anyone can join
• Private: Content visible only to members, joining requires approval

Private groups offer more discretion but require more effort to access.

Types of Groups Worth Joining

1. Local/Regional Groups

Why join: These connect you to your actual community—people you might meet at events, munches, and parties.

How to find: Search for your city, state/province, or region. Examples:

• "[City Name] Kink Community"
• "[Region] BDSM"
• "Kinky [City Name]"

What to look for:

• Active recent posts (not dead since 2019)
• Event announcements
• Discussion beyond just ads

Pro tip: Many areas have multiple groups. Join a few and see which are most active.

2. Interest-Specific Groups

Why join: Deep dive into specific kinks with people who share them.

Examples by interest:

Rope bondage: "Rope Bondage", "Shibari and Kinbaku", "[City] Rope" Impact play: "Spanking Enthusiasts", "Impact Play Discussion" D/s dynamics: "Dominance and submission", "24/7 TPE" Age play: "Little Space", "Caregiver/little" Pet play: "Puppy Play", "Kitten Play" Latex/leather: "Latex Lovers", "Leather Community"

How to find: Search your specific interest. Start broad, then get specific.

3. Identity-Based Groups

Why join: Connect with people who share your demographic or identity.

Examples:

• "FetLife Women"
• "Queer Kinksters"
• "BIPOC Kink"
• "Kink Over 40"
• "Disabled Kinksters"
• "Trans Kink"
• "Submissive Men"

Why these matter: Kink spaces aren't always inclusive. Identity groups offer safer spaces for specific discussions.

4. Educational Groups

Why join: Learn from experienced practitioners.

Examples:

• "Novices and Newbies"
• "BDSM Theory"
• "Risk Aware Consensual Kink"
• "Safety in Kink"
• Specific skill groups ("Fire Play Safety", "Needle Play Education")

What to look for: Active moderators, quality discussions, resources in pinned posts.

5. Relationship Structure Groups

Why join: Navigate kink within your relationship configuration.

Examples:

• "Polyamory and Kink"
• "Kink for Couples"
• "Solo Kink"
• "Long Distance D/s"

6. Discussion and Philosophy Groups

Why join: Think deeper about kink, consent, and dynamics.

Examples:

• "Consent in Kink"
• "Kink Critical"
• "Ethics in BDSM"
• "Kink and Mental Health"

These attract thoughtful members interested in more than surface-level discussion.

How to Evaluate a Group Before Joining

Check Activity Level

A good group has:

• Posts from the last week (ideally last few days)
• Multiple different people posting
• Responses to discussions
• Recent event or resource sharing

A dead group has:

• Last post months ago
• Same few people posting
• No responses to questions
• Outdated pinned content

Read the Rules

Group rules tell you about the culture:

• Strict rules = more curated content but more restrictions
• Minimal rules = anything goes (including spam and drama)
• Specific guidelines = clear expectations

Find groups whose rules match your preferences.

Look at Discussion Quality

Before joining (if open/closed) or requesting access (if private):

• Are discussions substantive or just "hot pic" comments?
• Do people engage thoughtfully?
• Are questions actually answered?
• Is the tone respectful?

Check Moderation

Good moderation shows:

• Rules actually enforced
• Spam removed
• Conflicts addressed
• Problematic content handled

Bad moderation shows:

• Rules ignored
• Spam everywhere
• Drama unchecked
• Problematic members tolerated

Making the Most of Groups

Participate, Don't Just Lurk

Groups are communities. To benefit:

• Introduce yourself (if there's an intro thread)
• Comment on discussions
• Ask genuine questions
• Share your own experiences

Lurking is fine at first, but long-term engagement requires participation.

Follow Group Norms

Every group has culture:

• Some are casual, some formal
• Some welcome newbies, some expect experience
• Some are discussion-focused, some event-focused
• Some allow pictures, some don't

Watch before posting to understand the vibe.

Contribute Value

Good contributions:

• Thoughtful responses to discussions
• Questions that spark interesting conversation
• Resources you've found helpful
• Your own experiences (appropriately shared)

Bad contributions:

• Just saying "hot" or "sexy"
• One-word responses
• Self-promotion without context
• Picking fights

Use Groups for Connection

Groups can lead to connections:

• People check profiles of interesting commenters
• Group members attend the same events
• Direct message people whose posts resonate
• Build reputation through consistent contribution

Groups to Avoid (Red Flags)

Obvious Warning Signs

• Groups explicitly for finding hookups (usually spam-filled)
• Groups with no moderation and recent drama
• Groups where predatory behavior is tolerated
• Groups that exist primarily for content theft
• Groups run by known problematic figures in community

Subtler Warning Signs

• Aggressive recruitment or pressure to join
• Rules that prevent leaving or questioning
• Cult-like dynamics around leaders
• Requirement to share personal information upfront
• Heavy focus on "real" vs. "fake" practitioners

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, leave.

Suggested First Groups to Join

If you're new, start with:

1. Your local community group (the most active one)
2. One educational/newbie group (like "Novices and Newbies")
3. One interest-specific group (whatever you're most curious about)
4. One identity-based group (if relevant to you)

That's 3-4 groups to start. Add more as you find your footing.

When to Leave a Group

It's okay to leave if:

• The group is no longer active or useful
• The culture has become toxic
• You've outgrown the content
• It's just noise in your feed
• Your interests have changed

You don't owe any group your continued membership.

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FAQ

How many groups should I join? Start with 3-5. Add more as you find what's useful. Too many = overwhelm and missed content.

Do people see that I joined a group? Depends on the group's settings and your own privacy settings. Private groups generally don't broadcast membership.

What if I post something and get attacked? Good groups have moderators who handle this. If they don't, the group isn't worth your energy.

Can I start my own group? Yes. Anyone can create a group. But building active community takes significant effort.

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Navigating new communities can be awkward. Poise can help you find the right words for introducing yourself and engaging with new connections.