How to Write a FetLife Profile That Attracts Compatible Partners (2026)

Your FetLife profile isn't just a bio—it's your introduction to an entire community. A good profile attracts compatible people, filters out incompatible ones, and shows you're someone worth knowing.

Here's how to write one that actually works.

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What Makes FetLife Profiles Different

It's Not a Dating App Bio

FetLife profiles can be longer and more detailed than dating apps:

• No character limits pushing you to be brief
• Community expects substance
• Your profile is often the first thing people read after seeing you at events

What People Look For

Community members check profiles to learn:

• Are you a real community participant?
• What's your experience level?
• Do we have compatible interests?
• Do you take safety seriously?
• Are you someone I'd want to interact with?

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Essential Profile Sections

The "About Me" Section

This is your main introduction. Include:

Who you are as a person:

• Personality, interests, humor
• Life beyond kink (career, hobbies—whatever you're comfortable sharing)
• What makes you interesting to talk to

Your kink identity:

• Role(s): Dom, sub, switch, etc.
• Experience level (be honest)
• What draws you to kink
• Your approach and values

What you're looking for:

• Connection types (play partners, relationships, friends, education)
• What you're NOT looking for (politely stated)
• Relationship status and availability

The Fetishes/Interests Section

FetLife lets you list specific interests:

• Be thoughtful about what you include
• You don't have to list everything
• Consider what signals each interest sends
• Update as you learn more about yourself

Photos

If you include photos:

• Follow FetLife's guidelines
• Consider what you're comfortable with publicly
• Face photos help people recognize you at events
• You can control who sees what

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Writing an Effective About Me

Lead with Personality

Instead of:

"I'm a Dom looking for a sub."

Try:

"Professionally, I wrangle spreadsheets and pretend to be a morning person. Personally, I'm drawn to the psychology of power exchange—the trust, the communication, the growth that happens when two people create something intentional together."

Be Specific About Experience

Vague:

"I have some experience."

Specific:

"I've been actively involved in the local community for two years. I've attended [types of events], taken workshops on [topics], and have had [number] play partnerships with varying dynamics. Still learning, always will be."

Clarify What You're Looking For

Unhelpful:

"Looking for the right person."

Helpful:

"Currently seeking: local connections for munches and events. Open to play partnerships with people I've gotten to know in the community. Not looking for online-only or long-distance arrangements."

Include Your Approach to Safety

This matters to experienced community members:

"I believe in explicit negotiation before any play, ongoing check-ins, and aftercare as non-negotiable. I get tested regularly and communicate openly about risk."

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What to Avoid

Red Flag Language

These phrases often signal inexperience or concerning attitudes:

• "Looking for a slave" (from a brand new profile)
• "No limits" (everyone has limits)
• "Natural Dom/sub" (often used to bypass learning)
• "I know what you need" (presumptuous)
• Demanding or entitled tone

Empty Profiles

Profiles with little content signal:

• New and possibly not serious
• Not willing to put in effort
• Possible fake/catfish account
• Someone just browsing without engaging

Kink-Only Profiles

Profiles that are 100% kink with no personality:

• Feel like a menu, not a person
• Miss that kink happens between humans
• Don't help people assess compatibility
• Make you less memorable

Negativity

Avoid:

• "Don't message me if..."
• "Sick of fake people"
• "If you're not serious, move on"
• "Real doms/subs only"

State what you DO want instead.

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Profile Examples

Example: New to the Community

About me:

I'm relatively new to actively exploring kink—I've been curious for years but only recently decided to engage with the community rather than just read about it. I'm here to learn, meet people, and figure out what resonates with me.

Outside of kink: I work in healthcare, love hiking, and am slowly teaching myself to cook things that aren't pasta.

I identify as submissive-leaning but honestly still figuring out what that means for me. I'm attending local munches to meet people and learn. Patient mentorship would be welcome; "I'll train you" messages from strangers will be ignored.

Looking for: community, education, friendship first. Open to more once I know people in person.

Example: Experienced Community Member

About me:

Five years in the local community, currently serving as a munch organizer for [group]. I believe kink should be built on communication, consent, and mutual growth—and that community involvement makes everyone safer.

I identify as a dominant, specifically drawn to D/s dynamics with an emphasis on structure and growth. I'm not interested in "dominating" anyone I don't know and respect. Connection first, always.

What I offer: experience, patience, clear communication, consistent presence in the community.

What I'm looking for: I'm open to meeting new people through events. Potential play partnerships with people I've connected with in person. Not seeking online-only dynamics or immediate intensity.

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Updating Your Profile

When to Update

• When your situation changes (relationship status, what you're seeking)
• When you gain more experience
• When you've learned more about what you want
• When your old profile no longer represents you

Regular Maintenance

Every few months:

• Reread your profile with fresh eyes
• Remove anything that no longer fits
• Add new experiences or perspectives
• Make sure it still sounds like you

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Privacy Considerations

What to Include vs. Protect

Generally safe to include:

• First name or scene name
• General location (city/region)
• Interests and experience level
• Personality and values

Consider keeping private:

• Full name
• Employer or specific workplace
• Identifying details that could dox you
• Family information

Photo Privacy

FetLife allows photo privacy settings:

• Friends only
• Friends of friends
• Visible to all

Consider your comfort level and potential consequences.

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Related Guides

• FetLife Dating Guide
• Your First Munch
• FetLife Red Flags
• Managing FetLife DMs

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Communicate Who You Really Are

Your profile is your first impression, but communication continues beyond it. Poise helps you navigate conversations in the kink community—from initial messages to negotiation and beyond.

Download Poise and communicate authentically in the kink community.