Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Everyone gives different advice about how to message on dating apps—be witty, be casual, be confident, be mysterious. But the best approach is finding your own voice: how you naturally communicate when you're being yourself.

Here's how to find and use your authentic dating voice.

What Is Your Dating Voice?

Your Natural Communication Style

Your voice is:

How you naturally talk
Your rhythm and pacing
Your sense of humor (or not)
Your vocabulary
How you express interest

Not a Performance

Your voice isn't:

What you think sounds good
Copying successful templates
Trying to be someone else
Performing a version of yourself

Recognizable to People Who Know You

Test: Would your friends recognize your messages as you?

Why Voice Matters

Attracts Compatible People

Your voice draws:

People who like how you communicate
Those who appreciate your style
Compatible communication partners
Good matches

Sustainable

Authentic voice is:

Easy to maintain
Not exhausting
Consistent over time
Actually you

Builds Real Connection

Real voice creates:

Genuine connection
Accurate expectations
Foundation of truth
Sustainable dynamic

Discovering Your Voice

How Do You Talk to Friends?

Notice:

Your natural conversation style
How you joke (if you do)
Your pacing and length
Topics you gravitate toward
How you express interest in people

What Feels Natural?

Pay attention to:

When communication feels easy
When you're not thinking hard about what to say
What flows vs. what's forced
When you feel like yourself

What Feels Like Performing?

Notice when:

You're trying to seem a certain way
Messages feel forced
You're imitating someone else
You don't feel like yourself

Elements of Voice

Tone

Are you naturally:

Playful or serious?
Casual or formal?
Warm or reserved?
Enthusiastic or chill?

Lean into your natural tone.

Humor

Your humor style:

Witty and clever?
Deadpan?
Silly?
Not particularly humorous?

All are valid. Don't force humor if it's not you.

Pacing

Do you naturally:

Write longer messages?
Keep things brief?
Ask lots of questions?
Prefer back-and-forth?

Topics

What do you naturally:

Talk about?
Find interesting?
Want to know about others?
Return to repeatedly?

Developing Your Voice

Write and Review

Practice by:

Writing messages without editing
Then reading them back
Noticing what sounds like you
What sounds forced

Try Different Approaches

Experiment with:

Being more direct
Being more playful
Asking different questions
Different message lengths

See what feels authentic.

Get Feedback

Ask trusted friends:

Does this sound like me?
What's my communication style?
What do you notice about how I talk?

Voice in Different Contexts

In Profile

Your bio should sound like you:

Your natural writing style
Your real interests
How you'd describe yourself
Not a generic template

In First Messages

Opening messages in your voice:

What you'd actually say
Genuine curiosity
Your natural approach
Not a pickup line (unless that's actually you)

In Conversation

Ongoing chat in your voice:

Natural flow
Real reactions
Genuine interest
Your actual personality

Common Voice Problems

Trying to Be Clever

If you're not naturally witty:

Don't force it
Clever attempts that fall flat are worse than genuine simple messages
Be yourself instead

Over-Formal

If you're too formal:

It creates distance
Feels impersonal
Unless formality is genuinely your style

Too Casual

If you're too casual:

Might seem low-effort
Could communicate disinterest
Unless casual is genuine and matches their energy

Copying Others

If you're imitating:

It won't sound right
Creates mismatch with real you
Not sustainable

Adapting Without Losing Voice

Matching Energy

You can:

Adjust somewhat to match their style
Meet them where they are
Without abandoning your voice

Context Appropriate

Adjust for:

Different platforms
Different people
Different stages of conversation
While staying fundamentally you

Not Performing

Adapting isn't:

Becoming someone else
Pretending to be different
Fundamentally changing
Losing yourself

Voice and Authenticity

Voice Reflects You

When your voice is authentic:

It's a window into who you are
People get accurate sense of you
Foundation for genuine connection
They meet the real person

Consistency Matters

Consistent voice means:

What they experience in messages matches in person
No disconnect or surprise
Trust in authenticity
Solid foundation

Exercises to Find Your Voice

Write Without Thinking

Try:

Stream of consciousness about yourself
Quick messages without editing
Your first instinct responses
See what emerges

Notice Differences

Compare:

Messages that felt easy to write
Messages that felt forced
What's different about each
Where you feel most yourself

Ask: Would My Friend Say This?

Filter:

Is this how I talk to friends?
Would people who know me recognize this?
Does this feel like me?

FAQ

What if my natural voice isn't "attractive"? Your natural voice attracts the right people. Performing attracts wrong people. Be yourself and find compatible matches.

What if I communicate differently with different people? Some adaptation is natural. But there's a core voice that's you. Find and lean into that core.

How do I know if I've found my voice? Communication feels easy. You don't have to think hard about what to say. People get an accurate sense of you.

What if my voice is "boring"? Genuine is never boring to the right person. Personality shows through authentic communication. Be yourself.

Related Guides

Your Voice Is Your Advantage

The most attractive communication is authentic communication. Find your voice, use it consistently, and attract people who genuinely want to connect with you. Poise helps you express your authentic self clearly.