Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

You had a great date. Now what? How much should you text? What if they're texting more (or less) than you want? What if their other partners complicate things?

Here's how to navigate texting between dates in ENM.

Why Texting Matters

What Texting Does

Between-date texting:

Maintains connection
Shows continued interest
Builds anticipation
Creates conversational intimacy
Signals investment level

What It Doesn't Do

Texting can't:

Replace in-person connection
Compensate for incompatibility
Fix relationship problems
Create chemistry that isn't there

ENM-Specific Texting Considerations

Multiple Text Threads

The reality:

You may be texting multiple people
They're probably doing the same
Bandwidth matters
Response times vary

Partner Time Affects Availability

Practical factors:

They may be less available when with other partners
You might be too
This is normal, not a red flag
Communication helps

Different Relationships, Different Texting

Varying patterns:

Long-term partner: different texting pattern than new connection
Casual connection: might text less
Each relationship finds its own rhythm

Finding Your Texting Rhythm

Early Dating

First few dates:

Some contact between dates is expected
Check in after a date ("I had a great time")
Light conversation to maintain connection
Don't overdo it—you're still getting to know each other

As Things Develop

Established connection:

More frequent communication is normal
Daily check-ins may develop
Inside jokes and ongoing conversations
Find what works for both of you

Long-Term

Established relationship:

Whatever rhythm you've developed
May be less than early dating (NRE fades)
Quality over quantity
Don't confuse texting with connection

How Much to Text

The Goldilocks Zone

Not too little:

Radio silence feels like disinterest
Some contact shows you're thinking of them
Don't go days without any contact (unless discussed)

Not too much:

Overwhelming texts feel needy
Leave some mystery
Respect their other commitments
Don't monopolize their attention

Match Energy (Somewhat)

Calibration:

Notice their texting style
Meet somewhere in the middle
Don't text 10x more than they do
But don't play games by texting less

Ask Directly

Communication:

"What's your texting style between dates? I want to make sure we're on the same page about staying in touch."

When They're With Other Partners

Expectations

Normal patterns:

Less responsive when on dates with others
May not text at all during partner time
Don't expect constant availability
This is part of ENM

What to Do

Healthy approach:

Don't blow up their phone
Send a message, wait for response
Occupy yourself
Trust they'll respond when they can

What Not to Do

Unhealthy patterns:

Multiple messages escalating in intensity
Monitoring their online status
Getting upset about response times
Making them feel guilty for being present with others

If You Need Something

Emergency vs. regular:

True emergencies warrant interruption
"Thinking of you" can wait
Respect their compartmentalized attention
You'll want the same courtesy

Texting Style Differences

If You're a Frequent Texter

And they're not:

Don't assume they're not interested
Ask about their style
Find middle ground
Don't flood them to force engagement

If You're a Minimal Texter

And they text more:

Don't leave them hanging
Communicate your style
Make effort to meet them partway
They need some signal of continued interest

When Styles Clash

Having the conversation:

"I've noticed we have different texting styles. I'm more of a [your style] texter, and you seem to be [their style]. How can we find something that works for both of us?"

What to Text About

Good Between-Date Content

Ideas:

Follow-ups on things discussed on the date
Sharing something that reminded you of them
Light, fun conversation
Planning next date
Checking in genuinely

Avoid

Not great for text:

Heavy emotional processing
Relationship-defining conversations
Conflict resolution
Anything that needs tone and nuance

Building Connection

Effective texting:

"Just saw [thing related to their interest] and thought of you"
"How did [thing they mentioned] go?"
"This made me laugh—you'd appreciate it" [share meme/link]
"Thinking about our conversation about [topic]"

After a Date

The Post-Date Text

Timing:

Same day or next day
Don't wait days (plays games)
Don't text immediately from the parking lot (too eager)
Within 24 hours is standard

Content:

"I had a great time tonight. Looking forward to seeing you again."

"Thanks for a fun evening! I'm still thinking about [specific moment]."

If You Want to See Them Again

Be clear:

Indicate interest in next date
Don't leave them guessing
Can suggest next date in same message or follow-up

If You're Not Sure

Honest approach:

Still thank them
Take time to think
Don't ghost—communicate decision when you've made it

When Texting Gets Complicated

If They're Not Responding

Give it time:

24-48 hours is reasonable before follow-up
One follow-up is okay
If still nothing, assume they're not interested
Don't harass

If Things Feel Off

Trust your gut:

Are they engaged or giving one-word answers?
Is conversation flowing or pulling teeth?
Texting chemistry should exist (even if different from in-person)

If You're Anxious

Self-regulation:

Don't text from anxiety
Wait until you're calm
Don't demand reassurance through constant texting
Use other support systems

Texting Agreements

Things to Discuss

Possible agreements:

General response time expectations
Whether you check in before/during/after their other dates
How often you expect to hear from each other
What warrants interruption vs. can wait

Example Agreement

What it might look like:

"Let's aim to text at least every other day. When one of us is on a date with someone else, a goodnight text is fine but no expectation of conversation. If something's urgent, we'll call."

FAQ

Should I text every day? Depends on the relationship and what you both want. Early dating might be less; established might be more. Discuss it.

What if they take hours to respond? People have lives. Hours is normal. Days without any response is concerning. Patterns matter more than individual response times.

Is it okay to double-text? Occasionally, yes. Repeatedly without response? No. One follow-up after a reasonable time is fine.

Should I text them when they're with another partner? Light, low-pressure texts are usually fine. Demanding attention or conversation isn't. Know your agreements.

Related Guides

Texting Is a Tool, Not the Relationship

Good texting maintains connection; it doesn't replace it. Poise can help you find the right words—for texting, dating, and everything in between.