Best Feeld Desires for Ethical Non-Monogamy (2026)
Which Desires should you select on Feeld if you're ENM? Strategic guide to setting up your Desires for polyamory, open relationships, and more.
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Feeld's Desires feature is particularly useful for ENM folks. Instead of explaining your relationship style in your bio and hoping people read it, Desires let you signal compatibility at the profile level—and help Feeld's algorithm show you to the right people.
But which Desires should you actually select? This guide covers the best Desire combinations for different ENM styles and what each one signals to potential matches.
How Desires Work for ENM Matching
Feeld uses Desires two ways:
For discovery: The algorithm considers shared Desires when deciding who to show your profile to. More overlap = more likely to appear in each other's feeds.
For signaling: Other users see your Desires and use them to quickly assess compatibility. ENM-related Desires immediately tell people your relationship structure.
Choosing the right Desires helps you find compatible people faster.
Core ENM Desires to Consider
Relationship Structure Desires
| Desire | What It Signals | |--------|-----------------| | Polyamory | Multiple romantic relationships simultaneously; emphasis on love/connection | | Open relationship | In (or seeking) a relationship where partners can see others; may or may not involve romance | | Monogamy | Seeking an exclusive relationship (you probably shouldn't select this if ENM) |
Connection Type Desires
| Desire | What It Signals | |--------|-----------------| | Dating | Open to forming romantic connections | | Casual | Looking for no-strings connections | | Long-term | Interested in building lasting relationships | | Friendship | Seeking platonic or FWB connections |
Experience Desires (Often Relevant for ENM)
| Desire | What It Signals | |--------|-----------------| | Couples | Interested in connecting with couples (as a single) | | Singles | Interested in connecting with individuals (as a couple) | | Threesome | Open to three-person experiences | | Group play | Open to group sexual experiences | | New experiences | Curious and open to trying things |
Desire Combinations by ENM Style
If You're Solo Poly
Recommended Desires:
- Polyamory
- Dating
- Long-term (if you want ongoing relationships)
- Emotional connection
- Intellectual connection
Why: Solo poly people typically want meaningful connections without traditional relationship escalation. These Desires signal you're looking for something real but independent.
Consider avoiding: "Casual" alone (can signal you're not interested in emotional depth)
If You're Partnered Poly
Recommended Desires:
- Polyamory
- Open relationship
- Dating
- Emotional connection
- Whatever specific interests apply (Couples if applicable)
Why: You're signaling you're not single but are genuinely available for additional meaningful relationships.
Consider adding: Long-term if you have actual capacity for something ongoing
If You're in an Open Relationship (Casual Focus)
Recommended Desires:
- Open relationship
- Casual
- Physical connection
- Spontaneous
- Relevant activity desires
Why: You're signaling you're partnered but looking for more casual/physical connections rather than additional romantic relationships.
Consider avoiding: Polyamory (if you're not looking for romance), Long-term
If You're a Couple on Feeld
Recommended Desires:
- Couples (appears on your profile type)
- Singles (if seeking individuals)
- Threesome (if applicable)
- Open relationship
- Whatever dynamic desires apply
Why: You're signaling what you're looking for as a unit.
See our Feeld for couples guide for more detail.
If You're New to ENM
Recommended Desires:
- Open relationship (broader term)
- New experiences
- Emotional connection
- Dating
Why: These signal openness without overpromising. You're exploring, not claiming expertise.
Mention in bio: That you're new to this and learning
Strategic Desire Selection
Quality Over Quantity
Don't add every ENM-adjacent Desire. Be selective:
Too many Desires: Makes you seem unfocused or like you're just checking boxes
Too few Desires: Doesn't give the algorithm or potential matches enough to work with
Sweet spot: 6-10 total Desires that genuinely represent what you want
Consistency Matters
Your Desires should align with your bio and what you actually want. Mixed signals confuse people:
Inconsistent:
- Desires: Polyamory, Long-term, Emotional connection
- Bio: "Just looking for fun, nothing serious"
Consistent:
- Desires: Polyamory, Long-term, Emotional connection
- Bio: "Building my constellation one genuine connection at a time"
Consider What You're Filtering For
Each Desire attracts certain people. Think about who you want in your matches:
If you want depth: Emotional connection, Intellectual connection, Long-term
If you want flexibility: Casual, Spontaneous, New experiences
If you want specific experiences: Threesome, Group play, Couples/Singles
Desires That Help ENM Profiles
"Emotional Connection"
Particularly useful for poly folks. Signals you're not just looking for physical experiences—you want actual connection. Filters out people who are only interested in hookups.
"Slow Burn"
Great for ENM people who want to build trust over time. Signals you're not in a rush and appreciate getting to know someone.
"Intellectual Connection"
Attracts people who value communication and depth—essential for navigating ENM complexity.
"Sex Positive"
Signals you're comfortable discussing sexuality openly. Helpful for ENM where explicit communication is necessary.
Desires to Be Careful With
"Monogamy"
Obviously don't select this if you're ENM. But also watch out for potential matches who have only "Monogamy" selected—they may not be compatible regardless of other signals.
"Casual" (Alone)
For poly people seeking meaningful connections, "Casual" alone can attract people looking for one-time encounters. Pair with "Emotional connection" or "Dating" to balance.
"Couples" (When You're Not One)
If you're a single person selecting "Couples," you're signaling interest in dating couples. Only select if that's true.
Every Kink Desire
Adding BDSM, Kink, Dominant, Submissive, and Switch might overwhelm vanilla-curious people. Be selective about which dynamics are actually priorities.
Desires by What You're Looking For
Looking for a Long-Term Additional Partner
Prioritize:
- Polyamory
- Dating
- Long-term
- Emotional connection
Looking for Casual ENM Connections
Prioritize:
- Open relationship
- Casual
- Physical connection
- New experiences
Looking for Activity Partners (Kink/Threesomes/etc.)
Prioritize:
- Relevant activity Desires
- Couples or Singles (depending)
- Open relationship
- Whatever dynamic Desires apply
Looking for Friends Who Get ENM
Prioritize:
- Friendship
- Polyamory or Open relationship
- Intellectual connection
- Whatever shared interests
Updating Your Desires
Your needs might change over time:
- Saturated and don't have capacity? Remove "Long-term" and "Dating"
- Opened up more? Add relevant Desires
- Discovered new interests? Update accordingly
Review your Desires every few months to make sure they still represent you.
How Others Filter By Desires
Majestic subscribers can filter by Desires. This means:
If you have "Polyamory" selected: People filtering for poly matches will find you
If you don't have it selected: You might not appear in their filtered results
Think about what terms people seeking your type of connection might search for, and make sure you've included them.
For complete Desire definitions, see our Feeld Desires explained guide.
Beyond Desires: The Full Picture
Desires get you in front of compatible people, but they're just one piece. Your photos, bio, and messages complete the picture.
Poise helps you communicate about ENM naturally—writing bios that explain your situation without overwhelming, and crafting messages that navigate poly dating complexity with confidence.
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