Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Feeld attracts open-minded people, but open-minded doesn't mean "anything goes." Good messaging etiquette helps you stand out and creates connections worth having.

Here are the unwritten rules of Feeld messaging.

First Message Etiquette

Do Read Their Profile

Before messaging:

Actually read what they wrote
Notice their interests and desires
Reference something specific
Show you paid attention

Why it matters:

Shows genuine interest
Demonstrates effort
Creates conversation opening
Separates you from lazy messages

Don't Lead with the Explicit

Unless they've indicated openness:

Keep first messages appropriate
Sexual content comes later if at all
Build rapport first
Read the room

Exceptions:

Profiles explicitly inviting explicit messages
Clear sexual context in their profile
Even then, consent first

Do Make It Easy to Respond

Good openers:

Ask a question
Reference something specific
Give them something to work with
Show your personality

Not this:

"Hey"
"Hi beautiful"
"Looking to chat?"
Generic compliments

Ongoing Conversation Etiquette

Match Their Energy

Observe:

How much are they writing?
How quickly do they respond?
What's their tone?
What are they engaging with?

Adjust:

Don't overwhelm with paragraphs if they send sentences
Don't be terse if they're expressive
Find mutual pace

Response Time Expectations

Reasonable:

People have lives
Hours between messages is normal
Don't send follow-up messages demanding response
Be patient

Red flags:

Demanding immediate responses
Getting angry about delays
"Did I do something wrong?" after 2 hours
Excessive checking in

Don't Let Conversations Die

If you're interested:

Keep momentum going
Ask questions back
Share about yourself
Move toward meeting if appropriate

If you're not:

Be honest (see below)
Don't ghost if you've had real conversation
A simple "not feeling the connection" is fine

When Messaging Couples

Address Both People

Good practice:

Acknowledge both exist
Direct messages to both
Don't obviously favor one
Respect that they're a unit

Ask About Their Dynamic

Clarify:

Do they date together or separately?
Who will you be meeting?
What are they looking for?
Who makes decisions?

Don't Try to Separate Them

Unless invited:

Don't offer to meet just one
Don't badmouth one to the other
Respect their relationship
They're a package deal

Discussing Desires

When to Bring Up Specifics

Good timing:

After establishing mutual interest
Before meeting to ensure compatibility
When conversation naturally goes there
When they've brought it up

Bad timing:

First message
Before any rapport
Out of nowhere
Repeatedly after they've redirected

How to Ask About Kink/Desires

Good approaches:

"What are you exploring on Feeld?"
"I noticed we share [interest]—tell me more"
Reference their listed desires
Be specific but not graphic initially

Respecting Boundaries

If they:

Don't want to discuss certain topics yet
Set limits on conversation content
Seem uncomfortable

You should:

Respect that immediately
Not push or negotiate
Continue with appropriate topics
Check if they want to continue at all

Photo Etiquette

Unsolicited Content

Never send:

Explicit photos without asking first
Anything they didn't request
Photos as a conversation opener
Content without consent

Requesting Photos

Good approach:

Ask politely
Accept "no" gracefully
Wait until appropriate in conversation
Don't pressure

Private Photos Feature

When requesting access:

Do it after some rapport
Accept if they decline
Don't screenshot and share
Treat access as trust earned

Moving to Meeting

When to Suggest

Good timing:

Conversation flows well
Mutual interest is clear
Basic compatibility established
Both seem engaged

How to Suggest

Good approaches:

"Would you be interested in meeting for a drink?"
"I'm enjoying our conversation—want to continue in person?"
Specific suggestion shows intention

Not ideal:

Demanding to meet immediately
"When are you free?" with no context
Pressuring after hesitation

If They're Not Ready

Respect it:

Continue chatting if they want
Don't pressure
Understand people have reasons
They may just need time

Handling Rejection

If They're Not Interested

Good responses:

"No worries, best of luck!"
"Thanks for letting me know"
Nothing at all is fine too

Not okay:

Insulting them
Demanding reasons
Continued messaging
Anger or bitterness

Delivering Rejection

Good ways:

"I'm not feeling a connection, but best of luck"
"I don't think we're looking for the same things"
Brief and kind
You don't owe lengthy explanation

Unmatching and Ghosting

When It's Okay

Unmatching without explanation:

Very early (before real conversation)
After receiving inappropriate messages
When you feel unsafe
Anytime you want, really

When to Say Something

Consider a message if:

You've had substantial conversation
You've made plans
They've invested time
Basic courtesy applies

Ghosting Etiquette

The spectrum:

Pre-conversation: Fine to just unmatch
Mid-conversation: A brief "not feeling it" is kind
Post-meeting: Definitely say something

For Couples Messaging

Present as Unified

Good practice:

Both on the account? Both engage
Clear who's writing
Consistent voice
Not good cop/bad cop

Don't Overwhelm Singles

Be mindful:

Two people messaging can be a lot
Match their energy
Don't double-team them
Respect their pace

Be Clear About Dynamics

Explain:

What you're looking for
How you date
What the dynamic would be
Who they'd be meeting

ENM/Poly Specifics

Disclosing Relationship Status

Be upfront about:

Existing partners
Relationship structure
What you're available for
Constraints on time/availability

Asking About Others

Good to ask:

"What's your current situation?"
"Are you seeing other people?"
"What does your partner know about you dating?"

Metamour Considerations

Respect:

Their other relationships
Time constraints
Communication needs with partners
That you're not the only one

FAQ

How long should I wait to message after matching? No specific timeline—message when you have something good to say. Same day is fine, a few days later is fine too.

What if they don't respond to my first message? Move on. One follow-up after a week is acceptable, but if no response, they're not interested.

Is it rude to unmatch without saying anything? For early matches with little conversation, it's normal. After substantial exchange, a brief message is kinder.

How direct should I be about what I want? Be clear but build some rapport first. Feeld is open, but humans still appreciate connection before negotiation.

Related Guides

Respect Gets Results

Good etiquette isn't about being boring—it's about being respectful. People who feel respected are more likely to engage authentically. Poise helps you communicate thoughtfully on dating apps.