Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Women on Feeld receive far more messages than they can realistically respond to. Your message is competing with dozens of others—many of which are low-effort or inappropriate.

To get responses, you need to stand out. Here's how to write opening messages that actually work.

Understanding the Context

The Reality of Her Inbox

Women on Feeld (especially on popular platforms):

Receive significantly more matches than men
Get many messages they won't respond to
Have to filter quickly
Develop pattern recognition for bad messages

What She's Filtering For

Quick filters (to eliminate messages):

Sexual content too early
Generic "hey" messages
Obvious copy-paste
Negging or backhanded compliments
Bad grammar/effort

What catches attention:

Specific references to her profile
Genuine curiosity
Respectful tone with personality
Something that makes her want to respond

Your Goal

Your opener should:

Show you read her profile
Be interesting enough to warrant a response
Avoid common mistakes
Start a conversation (not demand attention)

Openers That Work

Profile-Specific Openers

Reference something specific:

"Your photo from [location] caught my eye—I've always wanted to visit. What was your favorite part of that trip?"

"You mentioned being into [interest]—I'm curious, how did you get into that?"

"I love that you put [specific thing] in your bio. That's refreshing. What draws you to that?"

Why it works: Shows you actually read her profile, distinguishes you from mass-messagers.

Curiosity-Based Openers

Ask a real question:

"Your profile is intriguing but leaves me with questions. Like, what's the story behind [something in her profile]?"

"I'm curious what brings you to Feeld specifically—everyone seems to have a different story."

"You seem like you'd have interesting opinions. What's something you've been thinking about lately?"

Why it works: Creates a reason to respond; invites conversation.

Light and Playful Openers

When her profile has humor or lightness:

"Okay, I have to know—[playful question about something in her profile]?"

"Your profile made me actually laugh (rare on here). [Reference to the funny thing]."

"I'm taking a chance that you're as fun to talk to as your profile suggests."

Why it works: Matches her energy; feels enjoyable rather than obligatory.

Observation-Based Openers

Notice something interesting:

"I noticed you said [thing]. I feel the same way—it's surprisingly rare to find someone who gets that."

"Something about your profile feels refreshingly genuine. It made me want to actually message rather than just swipe."

"You have the best [photos/bio/answer to prompts] I've seen today. [Specific compliment on what makes it good]."

Why it works: Shows attention; compliments something meaningful.

Examples by Profile Type

If Her Profile Is Detailed

Rich profile = easy conversation starters:

"You've clearly put thought into your profile, and it shows. I'd love to hear more about [specific interest she mentioned]."

"Between [interest 1] and [interest 2], we might actually have things to talk about. What's the story behind [one of them]?"

If Her Profile Is Minimal

Less to work with = get creative:

"Your profile is mysterious—makes me curious what you're actually like. What brought you to Feeld?"

"I'm working with limited information here, but something made me want to message anyway. What's something about you that would surprise me?"

If She Mentions ENM/Poly

Acknowledge shared context:

"Fellow poly person here. Always curious how others are navigating it—what's been your experience on Feeld?"

"I noticed you're ENM—how long have you been exploring that? I'm always interested in different paths people take."

If She Has Kink Interests Listed

Respectful acknowledgment:

"I noticed we have some overlapping interests. I'm curious about your experience with [general category she mentioned]—have you been exploring for a while?"

"Your interests caught my attention. I'd love to hear more about what draws you to [thing] when you're comfortable sharing."

Note: Don't open with graphic sexual questions even if her profile is explicit about desires.

What Not to Do

The "Hey" and Variations

❌ "Hey" ❌ "Hi there" ❌ "How's your day going?" ❌ "What's up"

These require no effort and she's received hundreds of them. They give her nothing to respond to.

Immediate Sexual Comments

❌ "You're sexy" ❌ "I'd love to do [sexual thing] to you" ❌ "What are you into in bed?"

Even on an explicitly sex-positive app, leading with sexual comments comes across as seeing her as an object, not a person.

Negging or Backhanded Compliments

❌ "You're cute for someone into [thing]" ❌ "Not the usual type I go for but..." ❌ "You'd be prettier if you smiled"

This manipulation tactic is widely recognized and universally disliked.

The Novel

❌ [800-word message about your entire life story]

Too long, too much pressure, too difficult to respond to. Keep it conversational.

Copy-Paste Obvious

❌ Messages that clearly could have been sent to anyone

She can tell. Personalization matters.

Demanding Attention

❌ "Why haven't you responded?" ❌ "Hello??? Are you there?" ❌ Multiple follow-ups to no response

If she doesn't respond, move on.

Structuring Your Message

The Formula

Element 1: Hook (something that catches attention) Element 2: Connection point (reference to her profile) Element 3: Question or invitation (easy way to respond)

Example Breakdown

"I don't usually message first, but something about your profile pulled me in [hook]. That photo from Iceland is stunning—I've been dying to go there [connection point]. What was your trip like? [question]"

Length Sweet Spot

Not too short (shows no effort)
Not too long (creates pressure)
2-4 sentences is usually ideal
Easy to respond to

After She Responds

Keep the Conversation Going

Build on what she says
Share about yourself proportionally
Ask follow-up questions
Move toward a clear direction (meeting up, exchanging numbers)

Don't Get Stuck in Endless Chat

Some conversations need to move forward:

"I've really enjoyed chatting with you. Would you want to continue this conversation over coffee sometime?"

Read Her Signals

Enthusiastic responses = she's interested, keep going
Short or delayed responses = she might be busy or less interested
No response = move on

FAQ

How long should I wait before messaging after matching? Within a day or two is good. Too fast seems eager; too slow loses momentum.

What if she doesn't respond to a good opener? Move on. She might be busy, overwhelmed, or not interested. Don't send follow-ups unless days have passed and you want to try once more.

Should I comment on her appearance? If you do, make it respectful and not the main point. Better to compliment something in her profile or photos that isn't just physical.

What if we have nothing in common based on her profile? Then you might not be a good match. Or ask what she's looking for—sometimes there's more beneath the surface.

Related Guides

Stand Out By Being Genuine

The best openers aren't tricks—they're genuine interest expressed clearly. Poise can help you find the right words to show who you actually are.

Feeld Openers That Work for Messaging Women (2026)