"What Are You Looking For?" - How to Answer on Feeld (2026)
The most common Feeld conversation question, answered. Scripts and strategies for telling people what you're seeking—clearly and confidently.
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"What are you looking for?"
It's the most common question on Feeld—and one of the hardest to answer. Too vague and you seem unsure. Too specific and you might scare people off.
Here's how to answer it well.
Why This Question Matters
What They're Really Asking
Behind "what are you looking for?" is:
- Are we compatible?
- Will you waste my time?
- What can I expect from you?
- Are we seeking the same things?
Why It's Hard to Answer
- You might not know exactly what you want
- Your answer might differ from what they want
- It feels vulnerable to state desires
- Too much or too little detail both fail
The Framework for Answering
The Three Elements
A good answer includes:
- Connection type: What kind of relationship/dynamic
- Investment level: How much time/energy/depth
- Openness: Flexibility about how it develops
The Formula
"I'm looking for [connection type]. Ideally something [investment level]. I'm [openness] about how that develops."
Answer Templates by Type
If You Want Ongoing Connection
"I'm looking for ongoing connections—people I can see regularly and build something with over time. Not necessarily anything escalating toward cohabitation, but meaningful relationships with depth."
Variations:
"I'm seeking connections that have room to grow. I like getting to know someone and developing something real, even if it's not traditional."
"I'm interested in dating, not just hooking up. Someone I can have genuine conversations with and see regularly."
If You Want Something Casual
"I'm looking for fun, connection-based casual dating. Great chemistry and good times, without pressure for it to become something serious."
Variations:
"I'm in a place where casual works best for me. I want genuine connection without heavy expectations about where it goes."
"I'm looking for chemistry and good company. If something develops, great, but I'm not trying to force a specific outcome."
If You Want Friends With Benefits
"Honestly, I'm looking for a friends-with-benefits situation. Someone I genuinely like hanging out with, with physical connection, but without the demands of a full relationship."
Variations:
"I'm seeking the friend part and the benefits part equally. I want to actually enjoy your company outside the bedroom too."
If You're Exploring
"I'm relatively new to ENM and still figuring out what works for me. I'm open to various connection types and seeing what feels right."
Variations:
"I'm in an exploratory phase. I know I want connection and chemistry, but I'm flexible about what form that takes."
"I'm open and curious. Rather than coming in with rigid expectations, I want to see who I connect with and let things develop naturally."
If You Want Something Specific
"I'm looking specifically for [specific thing]. I know that's particular, but I've learned what works for me."
Examples:
"I'm looking for a D/s dynamic with someone who knows what they want."
"I'm seeking a long-distance connection—someone I can have depth with even if we don't see each other often."
"I'm looking for a third to date both me and my partner, where everyone connects genuinely."
If You're Not Sure
"Honestly, I'm open to seeing what develops. I know I want genuine connection, but beyond that, I'm flexible."
Variations:
"That's a hard question! I think I'm looking for connection that feels good—whatever shape that takes."
"I'm not coming in with a specific agenda. Just hoping to meet interesting people and see where conversation leads."
What to Avoid
Too Vague
Unhelpful:
"I'm open to anything" "Just seeing what's out there" "Whatever happens, happens"
These tell them nothing useful.
Too Rigid
Off-putting:
"I need exactly three dates a month, specific activities, and for you to meet these 12 criteria"
Save the details for later conversation.
Falsely Casual
Dishonest:
"Just looking for fun" (when you actually want a relationship)
This wastes everyone's time.
Overly Negative
Unappealing:
"Not looking for drama or games or people who can't communicate"
Better to state what you DO want.
Turning It Around
Ask Them Back
After answering, flip the question:
"What about you—what brings you to Feeld?"
"And you? What would your ideal connection look like?"
"Does that seem compatible with what you're seeking?"
Why This Matters
- Shows interest in them
- Checks compatibility
- Opens real conversation
- Takes pressure off you
When Your Answers Don't Match
If You Want More
"It sounds like you're looking for something more casual than I am. Is there flexibility there, or are you pretty set on that?"
If You Want Less
"I'm in a different place—probably looking for less commitment than what you described. I want to be upfront about that."
If You're Unsure About Compatibility
"I'm not sure if what we're each looking for lines up. Can we talk more about what those things actually mean in practice?"
Evolving Your Answer
As You Learn What You Want
Your answer should change as you gain clarity:
- Early: More open, exploratory
- Later: More specific, based on experience
- Ongoing: Refined with each connection
Updating Your Profile
Put a version of your answer in your bio:
- Saves repetitive conversation
- Filters for compatibility
- Shows self-awareness
Profile example:
"Looking for genuine connection—ongoing relationships with people I actually enjoy spending time with, not just hookups. Quality over quantity."
Asking the Question Yourself
Why to Ask
Don't wait for them to ask. Initiating shows:
- You're intentional
- You care about compatibility
- You respect their time
How to Ask
"So, what are you hoping to find on here?"
"What would your ideal Feeld connection look like?"
"What brings you to the app?"
Sample Full Exchange
The Conversation
Them: "So what are you looking for on Feeld?"
You: "Good question! I'm looking for ongoing connections—people I genuinely enjoy and can build something with over time. Not necessarily anything super entangled, but more than just casual. I'm flexible on what that looks like specifically. What about you?"
Them: "Similar actually. I'm looking for meaningful connections without the pressure of a relationship escalator."
You: "That sounds compatible. What does meaningful connection look like for you in practice?"
Related Guides
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