FetLife Privacy Settings Explained (2026)

FetLife contains sensitive information about your kink interests and activities. Understanding and configuring your privacy settings is essential for protecting yourself.

Here's a complete guide to FetLife's privacy options.

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Profile Visibility

Who Can See Your Profile

Current default:

• Only logged-in FetLife members can view profiles
• FetLife is not indexed by search engines
• No public profiles visible to non-members
• This provides baseline privacy

What This Means

Privacy baseline:

• Your profile won't appear in Google searches
• Vanilla friends won't stumble upon you (unless they're on FetLife too)
• Anyone on FetLife can potentially view you (unless you restrict further)

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Photo Privacy Settings

Photo Visibility Options

For each photo, you can set:

• Friends only: Only your FetLife friends can see
• All members: Any logged-in FetLife user can see
• Specific lists: Custom friend lists with access

Managing Photo Access

How to configure:

1. Go to your photos
2. Click on individual photo settings
3. Choose visibility level
4. Apply to specific photos or albums

Strategic Photo Privacy

Recommendations:

• Face photos: Friends only (or don't upload)
• Identifying photos: Friends only
• Non-identifying content: Your discretion
• NSFW content: Consider friends only

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Friend List Settings

Who Can See Your Friends

Options:

• Public to all members
• Friends only
• Only you

Why This Matters

Considerations:

• Friend lists reveal community associations
• Could link you to specific groups or people
• Some prefer hiding for discretion
• Others show for community credibility

Recommendation

If privacy is a concern, set friend list to "friends only" or "only you."

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Fetish List Settings

Visibility of Your Interests

Your fetish list can be:

• Visible to all members
• Visible to friends only
• Hidden entirely

What to Consider

Tradeoffs:

• Visible lists help compatible people find you
• Hidden lists protect from judgment or targeting
• Some people are strategic about what's shown
• You can list nothing and explain interests in bio instead

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Messaging Controls

Who Can Message You

Options:

• Anyone
• Friends only
• Friends and friends of friends
• Specific criteria

Message Filtering

Additional controls:

• Some versions have filtering by profile age
• Can block specific users
• Can limit based on various criteria

Recommendation

For most people:

• Allow messages from friends and friends of friends
• Or anyone, but be prepared to filter
• Adjust based on the attention you receive

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Activity Visibility

Love and Comment Visibility

What others can see:

• Posts you've loved
• Comments you've made
• Activity feed entries

Controlling Activity Visibility

Options:

• Activity may be visible in friends' feeds
• Some activity settings are configurable
• Be aware that interactions leave traces

Being Strategic

Consider:

• Your "loves" are visible to others
• Comments you make appear on public posts
• Your activity paints a picture of your interests
• Liking controversial content may be visible

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Location Settings

How Location Works

What's shown:

• General location (city/region)
• Used for finding local events and people
• Doesn't show precise address

Location Privacy Options

You can:

• Set a general region
• Use a nearby larger city
• Be vague about exact location
• Update when traveling (or not)

Recommendations

Balance:

• Accurate enough to find local community
• Vague enough to maintain privacy
• Consider using nearby city if small town

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Group Privacy

Group Membership Visibility

What others can see:

• Groups you've joined (sometimes)
• Posts you make in groups
• Your role in groups

Private vs. Public Groups

Types:

• Public groups: Membership and posts visible
• Private groups: Content hidden, membership may be visible
• Secret groups: Not searchable, membership hidden

Considerations

Before joining:

• Is this group's membership visible?
• Will joining reveal something about you?
• Are the discussions you'll participate in public?

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Event Privacy

RSVP Visibility

What's visible:

• Events you RSVP to may show you as attending
• Some events have hidden attendee lists
• Your RSVP may be visible to event organizers

Event Considerations

Before RSVPing:

• Who can see the attendee list?
• Is this event public knowledge you're comfortable with?
• Does the event have privacy protections?

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Blocking and Restrictions

Blocking Users

What blocking does:

• They can't view your profile
• They can't message you
• They can't see your content
• You won't see their content

How to block:

1. Go to their profile
2. Click the options menu
3. Select "Block"
4. Confirm

When to Block

Good reasons:

• Harassment
• Boundary violations
• Anyone making you uncomfortable
• You don't need to justify blocking

Limitations of Blocking

Be aware:

• They may notice they're blocked
• Mutual friends may still mention you
• Determined people can create new accounts
• Blocking isn't invisibility

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Additional Privacy Features

Two-Factor Authentication

Enable 2FA:

• Protects your account from hacking
• Required for account changes
• Adds security layer

How to enable:

• Settings → Security
• Enable two-factor authentication
• Use authenticator app or SMS

Session Management

Monitor access:

• See where your account is logged in
• End sessions on devices you don't recognize
• Log out everywhere if concerned

Email Privacy

Your email:

• Not visible to other users
• Used only for FetLife communication
• Consider using separate email for kink accounts

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Profile Lockdown Checklist

For Maximum Privacy

If you want minimal exposure:

• [ ] Remove face photos
• [ ] Set remaining photos to friends-only
• [ ] Set friend list to private
• [ ] Limit fetish list visibility
• [ ] Use general location only
• [ ] Enable message filtering
• [ ] Review group memberships
• [ ] Enable two-factor authentication
• [ ] Minimize identifying bio details
• [ ] Consider separate email address

For Moderate Privacy

Balanced approach:

• [ ] Face photos friends-only
• [ ] Some photos visible to members
• [ ] Friend list to friends-only
• [ ] Fetish list visible (if comfortable)
• [ ] City-level location
• [ ] Open to messages
• [ ] Selective group membership
• [ ] 2FA enabled

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Common Privacy Questions

Can My Employer Find Me?

Unlikely because:

• FetLife isn't indexed by search engines
• Only members can view profiles
• Unless employer is also on FetLife
• But nothing is 100% guaranteed

Can Someone Search My Name?

On FetLife:

• You can search by username
• Can't search by real name (unless in profile)
• Can search by email (may return results)
• Don't include real name if privacy matters

What If Someone Screenshots My Content?

Reality:

• You can't prevent screenshots
• Anything you post can be saved
• Be thoughtful about what you share
• Assume anything could be seen

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FAQ

Is FetLife really private from Google? Yes, FetLife has implemented technical measures to prevent search engine indexing. But nothing is 100% guaranteed.

Can someone find me if they know my email? Possibly, depending on settings. Use a separate email for kink accounts.

What's the best approach for a professional with high stakes? Maximum privacy settings, no face photos, separate email, vague location, and careful about what you post.

Should I use my real name? Generally no. Use a scene name or pseudonym unless you're fully open about your kink life.

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Related Guides

• FetLife for Complete Beginners: Step-by-Step
• How to Leave FetLife: Account Deletion Guide
• Building Your Reputation in the Kink Community

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Privacy Is Self-Care

Taking control of your privacy settings is part of healthy kink exploration. Poise can help you navigate the kink community safely—connecting meaningfully while protecting yourself.