How to Leave FetLife: Account Deletion Guide (2026)

Whether you're taking a break, leaving the platform, or wanting a fresh start, here's how to delete your FetLife account properly and protect your privacy in the process.

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Before You Delete

Consider Your Options

Deletion isn't the only choice:

• Deactivation: Hide your profile temporarily
• Privacy lockdown: Restrict access while keeping account
• Clean-up: Remove content but keep the account
• Full deletion: Permanent account removal

What You'll Lose

Deletion removes:

• Your profile and all content
• Friend connections
• Group memberships
• Event RSVPs
• Messages (your copy)
• Writings and photos
• Your username (someone else can claim it)

What Remains

Even after deletion:

• Others' copies of your messages
• Screenshots others may have taken
• Cached pages (temporary)
• Others' memories of interactions

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Preparing for Deletion

Download Your Data

Before deleting, save:

• Any writings you want to keep (copy/paste)
• Photos you uploaded (download originals)
• Important message threads (screenshot or copy)
• List of friends/connections you want to maintain elsewhere

Inform Key Connections

Let important people know:

• People you want to stay in touch with
• Give alternative contact info
• Partners or regular connections
• Anyone expecting to hear from you

Check Group Roles

If you're a group admin:

• Transfer ownership to someone else
• Or close the group intentionally
• Don't leave groups without leadership unexpectedly

Review Privacy First

Before deletion:

• Remove identifying photos
• Clear bio of identifying info
• Delete sensitive writings
• Unfriend/unfollow if relevant

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Deactivation vs. Deletion

Deactivation (Temporary)

What it does:

• Hides your profile from others
• Preserves all your data
• Can be reactivated anytime
• Good for breaks or cooling-off periods

How to deactivate:

1. Go to Settings
2. Find "Deactivate Account"
3. Confirm deactivation
4. Your profile becomes invisible

To reactivate:

• Simply log in again
• Everything is restored

Deletion (Permanent)

What it does:

• Permanently removes your account
• Cannot be undone
• Data is deleted (with some lag)
• You can't get it back

When to choose deletion:

• You're certain you won't return
• You want complete removal
• Privacy concerns require it
• You want a fresh start with new identity

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How to Delete Your Account

Step-by-Step Process

To delete:

1. Log into FetLife
2. Go to Settings (gear icon)
3. Scroll to "Delete Account"
4. Read the warnings
5. Enter your password to confirm
6. Click "Delete My Account"

What Happens Next

After clicking delete:

• Your profile is immediately hidden
• Data deletion begins
• You're logged out
• You can't log back in

Grace Period

FetLife may have:

• A short window where deletion can be reversed
• Time lag before data is fully purged
• Support contact if you change your mind immediately

Check current FetLife policies for specifics.

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Privacy Concerns

Photos You've Shared

Consider:

• Others may have saved your photos
• Downloaded photos persist even after deletion
• Be aware of what you've shared and with whom
• Nothing on the internet is truly deletable

Messages to Others

What to know:

• Your copy of messages is deleted
• Recipients still have their copies
• You can't delete from their inboxes
• Consider what sensitive info you've shared

Cached and Archived Content

Potential persistence:

• Web caches may temporarily retain content
• Some archive services may have captures
• Search engines don't index FetLife (good)
• But nothing is guaranteed invisible

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Alternative Options

Profile Lockdown

Instead of deleting:

1. Remove all photos
2. Clear your bio
3. Remove fetish list
4. Set everything to private
5. Keep account minimal

Why do this:

• Preserves your username
• Keeps friend connections for future
• You can return without starting over
• Still mostly invisible

Fresh Start (New Account)

If the issue is your history:

• Delete current account
• Create new account with different username
• Start fresh with better approach
• Note: FetLife doesn't encourage multiple accounts

Taking a Break

Deactivation is good for:

• Mental health breaks
• Relationship changes
• Needing space from community
• Uncertainty about long-term

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Reasons People Leave

Healthy Reasons

Legitimate departures:

• No longer interested in kink community
• Privacy concerns
• Relationship changes
• Life circumstances changing
• Mental health needs
• Moving to different platforms

Consider First

Before leaving, ask:

• Is this about FetLife, or about something else?
• Would a break accomplish the same goal?
• Are there specific issues that could be addressed?
• Will I regret losing my connections?

Unhealthy Reasons

You might reconsider if:

• Leaving because of one bad interaction
• Deleting in anger/emotion
• Wanting to hurt someone by disappearing
• Running from problems that will follow you

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After Deletion

Community Continuity

If you want to maintain connections:

• Exchange contact info before deleting
• Join alternative platforms
• Stay connected through other means
• Attend events even without online presence

If You Return

Coming back after deletion:

• Create new account
• Build profile from scratch
• Rebuild friend connections
• Previous reputation may help (or not)

Mental Health Note

If you're deleting because of:

• Harassment or abuse
• Mental health struggles
• Relationship problems

Consider also:

• Documenting issues (screenshots) before deleting
• Reporting problematic users
• Seeking support from community or professionals

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Protecting Your Privacy Long-Term

Before You Ever Need to Leave

Best practices:

• Never share photos you can't accept being out
• Use separate email for kink accounts
• Don't cross-reference with vanilla identity
• Think before posting

Ongoing Privacy Hygiene

Regular maintenance:

• Periodically review what's on your profile
• Delete old content that's no longer relevant
• Update privacy settings as platform changes
• Audit who has your information

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FAQ

Can I delete my account and come back with the same username? Not guaranteed. Once released, usernames can be claimed by others.

Will people know I deleted? Your profile will simply be gone. People who try to access it will see it doesn't exist. Close friends will notice.

Can FetLife recover my data if I change my mind? After full deletion, likely not. Act only when you're sure.

What if someone is impersonating me after I leave? Report to FetLife even without an account. Document and contact support.

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Related Guides

• FetLife Privacy Settings Explained
• FetLife for Complete Beginners: Step-by-Step
• Building Your Reputation in the Kink Community

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Leaving Is a Valid Choice

Sometimes it's time to go—and that's okay. Whatever your reasons, do it safely and thoughtfully. And if you're staying in the kink community, Poise can help you navigate connections wherever you find them.