Strategic Use of Feeld Desires for Better Matches (2026)

Feeld's desires feature is more than a checklist—it's a compatibility signal and conversation starter. Used strategically, your desires can attract the right people and filter out the wrong ones.

Here's how to optimize this often-underutilized feature.

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How Desires Work on Feeld

The Basics

Desires are:

• A list of interests, kinks, and relationship preferences
• Visible on your profile
• Used in matching/compatibility
• Conversation starters for connections

How They Affect Matching

Feeld uses desires to:

• Show compatibility with potential matches
• Help users filter for specific interests
• Highlight common ground
• Surface relevant profiles

What Others See

On your profile:

• Your selected desires are visible
• Shared desires are often highlighted
• Desires communicate what you're into
• They signal your relationship approach

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Strategic Desire Selection

The Goldilocks Zone

Not too few:

• Seems like you haven't filled out your profile
• Less to match on
• Less to talk about
• Limits compatibility signals

Not too many:

• Seems unfocused
• Everything is "equal" so nothing stands out
• Might seem like you're into everything
• Dilutes what you actually want

Just right:

• 10-20 carefully chosen desires
• Represents what you're actually interested in
• Focuses on what matters most
• Gives conversation hooks without overwhelming

Quality Over Quantity

Better approach:

• Only select things you're genuinely interested in
• Don't add things just to seem more appealing
• Curate for compatibility, not completeness
• Be honest about your actual interests

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Categories of Desires

Relationship Structure Desires

Examples:

• Polyamory
• Open relationship
• Casual dating
• Long-term connection

Strategy: Select what you're actually looking for. These are primary filters for compatibility.

Dynamic Desires

Examples:

• Dominant
• Submissive
• Switch
• Vanilla

Strategy: Be honest about your interests and experience level. Mismatches here cause problems.

Activity Desires

Examples:

• Specific kinks
• Sexual interests
• Types of play
• Preferences

Strategy: Select what you're genuinely into, not aspirational or performative interests.

Lifestyle Desires

Examples:

• 420 friendly
• Travel
• Foodie
• Certain interests

Strategy: Use to signal compatibility beyond the sexual/romantic.

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Strategic Approaches

The Filter Approach

Goal: Reduce matches to only compatible ones

Method:

• Select specific, non-mainstream desires
• Be precise about your needs
• Use desires as dealbreaker filters
• Quality over quantity matches

Best for: People overwhelmed with incompatible matches

The Broad Approach

Goal: Maximize potential connections

Method:

• Select widely applicable desires
• Keep options open
• Use bio for specificity
• Filter through conversation

Best for: People in areas with fewer users

The Conversation Starter Approach

Goal: Create talking points

Method:

• Select interesting, discussable desires
• Include unique or unusual interests
• Give people something to ask about
• Balance common and distinctive

Best for: People who want engaging conversations

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Desire Combinations That Work

For Specific Dynamics

Example: Looking for D/s connection

• Select: Dominant OR Submissive
• Add: Related dynamic desires
• Include: Communication preferences
• Result: Signals what you want clearly

For Casual Connections

Example: Looking for casual/fun

• Select: Casual dating
• Add: Social interests
• Include: Lifestyle compatibility markers
• Result: Attracts similar energy

For Relationship-Oriented

Example: Looking for something substantial

• Select: Polyamory, Long-term
• Add: Emotional connection markers
• Include: Relationship style indicators
• Result: Filters for serious intent

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What Your Desires Communicate

First Impressions

People make assumptions:

• Many desires = experienced or exploratory
• Few desires = selective or new
• Specific desires = knows what they want
• Broad desires = flexible or unfocused

Compatibility Signals

Shared desires suggest:

• Common interests
• Potential conversation topics
• Baseline compatibility
• Starting points for connection

Red Flags (To Avoid Communicating)

Watch out for:

• Only sexual desires (seems one-dimensional)
• Contradictory desires (confusing)
• Everything selected (means nothing)
• Nothing selected (why are you here?)

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Updating Your Desires

When to Update

Consider changing when:

• You're not getting matches you want
• Your interests have changed
• You're seeking something different
• Your current selection isn't working

How to Test

Experiment:

• Make changes
• Track results over a week
• Compare to previous experience
• Iterate based on data

Seasonal Updates

Periodically review:

• Are these still accurate?
• Have my interests evolved?
• Am I getting the right matches?
• What would I change?

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Desires and Privacy

What You're Comfortable Sharing

Consider:

• Desires are public to matches
• Anyone who sees your profile sees them
• Some interests you might want to discuss privately
• Balance openness with privacy

Sensitive Desires

For sensitive interests:

• May or may not want on public profile
• Can discuss in conversation instead
• Consider who sees your profile
• Privacy settings may affect visibility

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Desires as Conversation Starters

Reference in Messages

Use desires to connect:

"I noticed we both have [desire] listed—what's drawn you to that?"

Ask About Theirs

Show interest:

"I'm curious about your interest in [desire]. Tell me more?"

Find Common Ground

Highlight matches:

"We seem to have a lot of overlap in what we're looking for. What matters most to you?"

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Common Mistakes

Mistake 1: Selecting Everything

Problem: Seems like you'll do anything, which means nothing Fix: Curate to what you actually want

Mistake 2: Aspirational Desires

Problem: Selecting things you're not actually into (yet) Fix: Be honest about current interests

Mistake 3: Ignoring Desires Entirely

Problem: Missing a compatibility and conversation tool Fix: Take time to fill out thoughtfully

Mistake 4: Set and Forget

Problem: Desires don't evolve with you Fix: Review and update periodically

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FAQ

How many desires should I have? Aim for 10-20 genuinely relevant ones. Enough to show who you are, not so many it's meaningless.

Should I select desires I'm curious about but haven't tried? It depends. If you're open to exploring, sure. If it would be misleading, leave it off.

Do desires actually affect who I see? Yes, they influence Feeld's matching. Shared desires indicate compatibility.

What if my desires change over time? Update your profile. Your desires should represent your current interests.

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Related Guides

• The Complete Feeld Profile Audit Checklist
• What NOT to Put in Your Feeld Profile
• Feeld Profile Tips for Women

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Desires Are a Tool

Use them intentionally to find the connections you want. Poise can help you navigate the conversations that follow once you've matched with compatible people.