The Kink Negotiation Checklist for New Partners (2026)

Playing with a new partner is exciting—and requires thorough negotiation. This checklist ensures you cover everything important before your first scene together.

Print it, save it, use it every time.

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Quick Reference Checklist

Before Play

• [ ] Hard limits discussed and agreed
• [ ] Soft limits discussed
• [ ] Desired activities agreed
• [ ] Safewords established
• [ ] Health conditions disclosed
• [ ] Medications disclosed (if relevant)
• [ ] STI status discussed (if relevant)
• [ ] Consent framework agreed (SSC, RACK, etc.)
• [ ] Aftercare needs identified
• [ ] Safe call arranged (if applicable)

During Play

• [ ] Regular check-ins planned
• [ ] Non-verbal signals established (if gagged, etc.)
• [ ] Adjustment process agreed

After Play

• [ ] Immediate aftercare provided
• [ ] Check-in scheduled for later
• [ ] Debrief conversation planned

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The Full Checklist

Section 1: Personal Information

About You

Experience level:

• [ ] Beginner
• [ ] Intermediate
• [ ] Experienced

Current state:

• [ ] Rested and alert
• [ ] Good mental/emotional place
• [ ] Healthy physically
• [ ] Sober

Physical considerations:

• [ ] Any injuries or conditions disclosed
• [ ] Any medications mentioned
• [ ] Physical limitations discussed

Emotional considerations:

• [ ] Any recent stressors mentioned
• [ ] Triggers identified
• [ ] Emotional state discussed

About Them

Same questions—ask and listen:

• Experience level
• Current physical/mental state
• Any conditions or limitations
• Any triggers or concerns

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Section 2: Limits

Hard Limits (Non-Negotiable)

Your hard limits: List everything that is absolutely off the table:

• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________

Their hard limits: Document their boundaries:

• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________

Soft Limits (Maybe/Discuss)

Your soft limits: Things that might be okay with conditions:

• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________

Their soft limits:

• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________

Trigger Warnings

Anything that could trigger trauma:

• Words or phrases to avoid
• Scenarios to avoid
• Physical areas or actions

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Section 3: Desired Activities

What You Want

Activities you're hoping for:

• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________

Intensity preferences:

• [ ] Light/exploratory
• [ ] Moderate
• [ ] Intense
• [ ] Other: ____________

What They Want

Their desired activities:

• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________

Their intensity preferences:

• [ ] Light/exploratory
• [ ] Moderate
• [ ] Intense
• [ ] Other: ____________

Common Ground

What you're both excited about:

• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________
• [ ] ___________________________

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Section 4: Safewords and Signals

Verbal Safewords

System agreed:

• [ ] Stoplight (Red/Yellow/Green)
• [ ] Plain language ("Stop"/"Safeword")
• [ ] Custom word: ____________

Definitions:

• RED (or stop word) = Stop everything immediately
• YELLOW = Pause/check in
• GREEN = Good, continue

Non-Verbal Signals

If verbal communication is limited (gag, subspace, etc.):

• [ ] Tap out (3 taps)
• [ ] Drop an object
• [ ] Specific sound
• [ ] Other: ____________

Check-In Methods

How you'll check in during:

• [ ] Regular verbal check-ins
• [ ] Color checks ("Give me a color")
• [ ] Thumbs up/down
• [ ] Other: ____________

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Section 5: Safety

Physical Safety

Equipment check:

• [ ] Equipment inspected and safe
• [ ] Safety shears accessible (for bondage)
• [ ] First aid kit available
• [ ] Release mechanisms understood

Restraint safety:

• [ ] Circulation check planned
• [ ] Never left alone in bondage
• [ ] Time limits on positions

Health Considerations

STI Status (if relevant):

• [ ] Recent testing discussed
• [ ] Status disclosed
• [ ] Safer sex measures agreed

Other health:

• [ ] Any conditions that affect play
• [ ] Medications that matter
• [ ] Signs to watch for

Emergency Prep

If something goes wrong:

• [ ] What to do in emergency
• [ ] Who to contact
• [ ] How to reach help

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Section 6: Aftercare

Your Aftercare Needs

What you need after:

• [ ] Physical (blankets, water, snacks, touch)
• [ ] Emotional (reassurance, quiet, talking)
• [ ] Time (how long before returning to normal)
• [ ] Other: ____________

Their Aftercare Needs

• [ ] Physical needs: ____________
• [ ] Emotional needs: ____________
• [ ] Time needs: ____________
• [ ] Other: ____________

Aftercare Plan

Immediately after:

• [ ] Who provides aftercare
• [ ] What's available (water, blankets, etc.)
• [ ] Location for aftercare

Later:

• [ ] When will you check in (next day?)
• [ ] How (text, call?)
• [ ] What if drop happens days later?

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Section 7: Scene Specifics

The Plan

What's going to happen:

• [ ] General outline agreed
• [ ] Key activities identified
• [ ] Order/progression discussed
• [ ] Flexibility allowed

Timeline

• [ ] Expected duration
• [ ] Any time limits
• [ ] End time flexibility

Location

• [ ] Where: ____________
• [ ] Privacy secured
• [ ] Safety considerations addressed
• [ ] Safe call arranged if needed

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Section 8: Communication

During Play

How you'll communicate:

• [ ] Check-in method established
• [ ] How to ask for more/less
• [ ] How to request changes
• [ ] Adjustments process

After Play

Debrief plan:

• [ ] When to discuss what happened
• [ ] How to give feedback
• [ ] What to do if something went wrong
• [ ] Follow-up timeline

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Section 9: Consent Framework

Philosophy Agreed

Common frameworks:

• [ ] SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual)
• [ ] RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)
• [ ] PRICK (Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink)
• [ ] Other: ____________

Consent Principles

• [ ] Enthusiastic consent required
• [ ] Can be withdrawn at any time
• [ ] No punishment for safeword use
• [ ] Checking in is expected

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Section 10: Post-Scene

Follow-Up

Immediate:

• [ ] Aftercare provided
• [ ] Basic check-in complete

24-48 hours:

• [ ] Check-in message/call
• [ ] Watch for drop
• [ ] Offer support

Later debrief:

• [ ] What worked well?
• [ ] What to adjust next time?
• [ ] Any concerns?
• [ ] Plan for future

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How to Use This Checklist

Before Your First Scene

1. Review the checklist individually
2. Share and discuss together
3. Document agreements
4. Revisit if anything was missed

For Ongoing Partners

• Re-negotiate for new activities
• Check in periodically
• Update as things change
• Don't assume anything

In the Moment

Keep it accessible:

• Printed copy nearby
• Notes on phone
• Whatever helps you remember agreements

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Related Guides

• Kink Negotiation Guide
• FetLife Red Flags
• Meeting Safely from FetLife
• Aftercare in ENM

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Negotiate with Clarity

Good negotiation makes great scenes possible. Poise helps you communicate clearly—before, during, and after play.

Download Poise and negotiate with confidence.