Name: Poise - AI Dating Coach
Author: Poise

Boundaries protect your wellbeing and make relationships work. But finding the words can be hard—especially in the moment.

Here are 20 scripts for common boundary situations in ENM.

The Principles

What Good Boundaries Sound Like

Clear: Say exactly what you mean
Direct: No hedging or hinting
Respectful: Firm but not attacking
Owned: "I" statements, not "you" accusations

The Basic Formula

State the boundary
(Optional) Brief reason
(If needed) What happens if crossed

Time and Availability Boundaries

1. Limiting Contact Frequency

"I enjoy talking with you, but I need to limit our texting to a few times a day. Constant messaging doesn't work for my life right now."

2. Protecting Partner Time

"Wednesday evenings are my time with [partner]. I'm not available for dates or extended conversations then."

3. Response Time Expectations

"I'm not always able to respond quickly. If you don't hear from me within a day, that's normal for me—it doesn't mean anything's wrong."

4. Limiting Date Frequency

"I can only see you about once a week right now. That's what my schedule and energy allow. I hope that works for you."

Physical and Sexual Boundaries

5. Activity Limits

"I'm not comfortable with [activity]. That's a hard limit for me, not something to negotiate."

6. Safer Sex Requirements

"I need us to use barriers for [activity]. This isn't negotiable for me."

7. Pace of Physical Intimacy

"I'm not ready to [activity] yet. I need more time. I'll let you know when that changes."

8. Consent Check-In

"I need you to check in with me before [activity], every time. Even if we've done it before."

Emotional Boundaries

9. Not Processing Their Other Relationships

"I care about you, but I'm not the right person to process your feelings about [other partner]. Can you talk to a friend or therapist about that?"

10. Limiting Emotional Labor

"I'm not able to provide emotional support right now. I need to focus on my own stuff. Can we talk about this another time?"

11. Not Comparing Relationships

"I'd prefer we don't compare our relationship to your other ones. I want us to focus on what we have, not how it stacks up."

12. Information Boundaries

"I don't want to know details about [topic/person/activity]. Please keep that separate from what you share with me."

Relationship Structure Boundaries

13. Not Escalating the Relationship

"I'm not looking for this relationship to become more entangled. What we have now is what I can offer."

14. Hierarchy Clarity

"My relationship with [partner] is my priority. I'm being upfront that if there's a significant conflict, they come first."

15. Not Dating Partners Together

"I'm not interested in dating you and your partner together. I'm open to connecting with you individually, but not as a couple package."

16. Metamour Contact

"I'd prefer to have minimal contact with your other partners. Parallel poly works better for me."

Communication Boundaries

17. Topic Limits

"I'm not comfortable discussing [topic] right now. Can we talk about something else?"

18. Communication Medium

"I prefer not to have serious conversations over text. Can we talk about this in person or on the phone?"

19. Feedback Timing

"I need some time before I can discuss this. Can we come back to it tomorrow?"

20. Argument Limits

"I'm reaching my limit with this conversation. I need to take a break before I can continue productively."

When Boundaries Are Challenged

If They Push Back

Restate calmly:

"I understand you might want something different, but this is my boundary. It's not negotiable."

Don't over-explain: You don't need to justify your boundaries. "This is what I need" is enough.

If They Ask Why

You can explain briefly:

"I've learned this is what works for me. It's based on past experience."

Or decline:

"I'd rather not get into the reasons. I just need you to respect this."

If They Get Upset

Acknowledge without caving:

"I understand this isn't what you wanted to hear. I'm sorry it's disappointing, but the boundary stands."

If They Violate the Boundary

Name it:

"That's exactly what I said I wasn't comfortable with. I need you to respect my boundary."

Decide consequences:

"If this continues, I'll need to reconsider our relationship."

Setting New Boundaries Mid-Relationship

Script: Introducing a New Boundary

"I've realized I need to set a boundary that I didn't have before. Going forward, [boundary]. I know this is new, but it's something I need."

Script: Changing an Existing Agreement

"Our current agreement about [topic] isn't working for me. I need to change it to [new boundary]. Can we discuss how to make that work?"

Script: Temporary Boundary

"For now, I need [boundary]. This might change, but for the immediate future, this is what I need."

Boundary-Setting Mindset

Remember

You have the right to boundaries
No is a complete sentence
You don't need permission
Their reaction is their responsibility
Good partners respect limits

Common Obstacles

"I don't want to be difficult" Boundaries aren't difficult—they're necessary.

"They might leave" If they leave because of reasonable boundaries, they weren't right for you.

"I should be more flexible" Flexibility is good; abandoning needs isn't flexibility.

"It's not that big a deal" If it's bothering you, it matters.

Practice Makes Easier

Before Conversations

Know what you need to say
Practice out loud
Prepare for pushback
Remember your worth

In the Moment

Stay calm
Be direct
Don't over-explain
Hold your ground

After Setting Boundaries

Feel good about advocating for yourself
Notice if they're respected
Adjust relationships accordingly
Reinforce when needed

Related Guides

Find Your Words

Boundaries require clarity. Poise helps you communicate what you need—clearly, kindly, and confidently.

Download Poise and set boundaries with confidence.